Tag: instant

WWN Guide To Understanding Why Conor McGregor Is Still A Legend

DRY SHITES the world over have displayed a complete lack of understanding of just why part-time UFC fighter Conor ‘Notorious’ McGregor is a complete legend. Described by devoted followers of the popular McGregorism cult so-called ‘stupid fucking cunts with no sense of humour’ have struggled to get their heads around why throwing objects through bus… Read more »

McGregor To Change Name From ‘Notorious’ To ‘Ridiculous’

THE merchandising department of the UFC is today working hard to remove the title ‘Notorious’ from all t-shirts, posters and souvenirs relating to Conor McGregor, after a bizarre series of events in which the acclaimed fighter brought the sport into more disrepute than usual. British star McGregor, known for his colourful outbursts and uncanny ability… Read more »

Local Man Rereads Chapter In Book For 2nd Time After Mind Wanders Off

DESPITE getting three pages in, Waterford man Patrick Lyons was forced to restart the chapter in his latest book reading endeavour after his mind just wandered off of its own accord, WWN can confirm. Rereading the words he had already apparently read, but somehow failed to process, the 34-year-old restarted chapter 4 in another attempt, this time vowing to concentrate… Read more »

Dad Assures Kids That Mr. Horsey Is Just Asleep

LOCAL man Ian Ferrell has spent the morning convincing his little boy that the dead horse lying on the green across from their house is in fact sleeping because ‘he’s very, very tired’. Ferrell was woken this morning by his son, who had taken a shine to the horse which was being kept in a field… Read more »

‘Don’t Approach Any Liverpool Fans Today’ Warning Issued

“LEAVE ALL WhatsApp groups containing Liverpool fans. Block every Liverpool fan on your contact list. Arrive at work wearing sound proof earmuffs. Do not make eye contact with coworkers wearing full kits to work. We repeat do not approach Liverpool fans.” Blaring from hidden speaker systems in communities up and down Britain and throughout Europe,… Read more »

Ronaldo Survives Horror Fall

THOUGHTS and prayers were sent in the direction of Real Madrid striker Christiano Ronaldo, amid fears that he may be ‘shatered to pieces’ after his reckless overhead goal against Juventus in the Champions League last night. Portuguese superstar Ronaldo is known to suffer from a rare brittle-limb condition which has lead to hundreds of instances… Read more »

Dinosaur Discovered In Scotland Would Have Had Thick Accent, Scientists Confirm

FOOTPRINT evidence on Scotland’s Isle of Skye confirming that dinosaurs roamed there some 170 million years ago has revealed the reptiles would have been very hard to understand, given their thick Scottish accents. “Rapid fire phrases delivered with a mix of smiling geniality and a maddened glare that hinted they intended to do you harm, these dinosaurs… Read more »