Tag: instant

Jack Russells Discontinued After 225 Years

THE popular terrier breed known as the ‘Jack Russell’ is to be phased out at the start of 2020 bringing to an end almost 225 years of ankle-height canine companionship, WWN can report. Once hugely popular throughout almost every household in Ireland and beyond, the bite-happy pooch was a staple of every walk in the countryside,… Read more »

5 Things We Love About Vladimir Putin

FOLLOWING the revelation that vocal anti-Vladimir Putin campaigner Aleksy Navalny is being treated for what doctors are referring to as a ‘reaction to a chemical substance’, journalists around the world have rushed to condemn the Kremlin for what they see as a blatant attack on free speech and justice, orchestrated and overseen by Putin himself. Not us… Read more »

Kinahan Cartel To Use Recyclable Drug Packaging From 2020

THE Kinahin cartel has become the latest multi-billion euro consumer goods group to undertake pledges on recycling plastic packaging by vowing to use 100% recyclable wrapping on all drug shipments from 2020, an associate confirmed today. The shift will see Europe’s biggest importer and distributor of illegal narcotics paving the way to become the leading ecological cartel… Read more »

Johnson Booed By Inebriated Scottish Junkies Munching On Deep Fried Mars Bars

FRESH from being embarrassed by protesters as he met with Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland, British PM Boris Johnson corrected the official record of events to better reflect the true nature of the encounter. “To the untrained ear, these rabid, vowel-stretching Scottish neanderthals sounded at first like they were voicing their disapproval for… Read more »

Ireland Fucked, UK Fucked, The North Fucked, Everything Fucked

THE last remaining shreds of optimism surrounding the fate of Ireland following Brexit have been swept away by a tsunami of grim reality, with almost everyone on all sides finally admitting that ‘the whole thing is completely fucking fucked’. The facade of ‘it’ll be alright’ began to show irreparable cracks following Boris Johnson’s victorious campaign… Read more »

Croagh Patricia Annual Pilgrimage Ignored By Sexist Media

CALLS for a more representative and inclusive approach to covering Irish hills, mounds and mountains has been called for after the annual pilgrimage to Croagh Patricia was virtually ignored with the media preferring to lavish the male summit of Croagh Patrick with the lion’s share of coverage. “Every year there’s a pilgrimage on Croagh Patricia… Read more »

Script For The Love Island Finalé Leaked Online

PRODUCERS of the hugely popular reality TV dating show Love Island are today reeling after the script for the programme’s final episode were leaked in the early hours of this morning online by a group of hackers calling themselves ‘Peekers’. The 102-page script which details every moment of tonight’s final has some interesting revelations, including how Tommy has seemingly… Read more »

GAA Launch Witness Protection Program For Referees

FEARING for the safety of match referees and staff over questionable calls on the field, the Gaelic Athletics Association has launched an optional witness protection program which will relocate referee’s abroad, WWN can confirm. The new measure launched shortly after the weekend’s All Ireland hurling semi-final, where the referees, linesmen and umpires came under fire for… Read more »