Tag: instant

BREAKING: Old MacDonald Homeless After Farm Foreclosure

OLD MacDonald’s farm has gone under foreclosure today after failing to make a series of mortgage repayments on the 400 acre site in the state of Missouri, after a court ordered local sheriffs to immediately seize the property, leaving the owner homeless and out on the street. The 78-year-old farmer said goodbye to his remaining livestock before… Read more »

Council Worker Never Gets Turn On The Little Digger

FRESH reports have confirmed that local council worker, Mark Shevlin, is ‘this close’ to complaining to his foreman about how he always gets stuck on ‘Stop/Go’ duty, and never gets a turn on the little Hi-Mac digger thing instead. Now on his fourth year with Waterford County Council, Shevlin spoke exclusively to WWN about ‘having an arsefull’… Read more »

Homeless Lads Agree To Do 12 Kerbs Of Christmas

A PLUCKY group of rough-sleepers are getting ready for this year’s 12 Kerbs Of Christmas, their now-traditional attempt to sleep on twelve different doorsteps, kerbs, alleys and benches around Dublin city centre between the 1st of December and Christmas Day itself. “This’ll be the fourth year we’ve tried it” smiled Ciaran, the 36-year-old Dublin native… Read more »

Nation Urges FG & FF To Quit This Ross And Rachel Bullshit

HAVING endured nearly a century of ‘will-they, won’t-they’, the Irish public have come forward and pleaded with Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil to end this “Mulder & Scully, Sam & Diane, Ross & Rachel” shite and just get together, for once and for all. The urgent plea comes amid murmurings of another General Election, possibly before… Read more »

Family Going To Take Mother Up On Her ‘Don’t Get Me Anything For Christmas’ Bullshit This Year

FOLLOWING years of festive exasperation, one Waterford family is to call their mother’s bluff and get her nothing for Christmas, as per her request every year since records began. Maureen O’Lennon, matriarch of the Lennon family, has replied with ‘ach, don’t be getting me anything’ or ‘don’t go to any trouble, I’m grand’ every single… Read more »