INITIAL concerns around the severity of Ebola Breakout 2k19 have been alleviated by the news that the troublesome disease has managed to quarantine itself to the poorer areas of the world, WWN can confirm. The deadly disease, which returned this year for a killer new season after several years on hiatus, is currently causing huge amounts… Read more »
AS HAS become apparent in recent years it is near impossible for the average person to keep abreast of the large volume of fuck ups overseen by senior officials at the HSE and in the Department of Health, which is why WWN has produced this daily guide to keep you informed. Apologies we haven’t done… Read more »
MINISTER For Health Simon Harris has been diagnosed with a chronic shoulder condition that has left him locked in a ‘hey, what can I do about it?’ stance, following nearly three years of dealing with the HSE. Harris was forced to finally acknowledge the fact that he couldn’t unshrug his shoulders as the news broke that… Read more »
DUBLIN Fire Brigade announced plans to combat the amount of time patients spend waiting for paramedics with the introduction of a new app called ‘Ambulancr’. Following complaints that some patients were forced to wait an hour for an ambulance due to lack of funding and chronic Dublin traffic, experts in the DFB’s problem-solving department struck on… Read more »
A QUICK Google search on the leading causes of cancer has shown that googling the leading causes of cancer may be the leading cause of cancer, WWN can confirm. By simply asking the world-leading search engine for information on your symptoms, the average person is 10 times more likely to receive disheartening news which will… Read more »
HERE’S some crap research which somehow equates smoking 10 cigarettes to one bottle of wine but just keep on scrolling through your news feed because fuck this shit, wine is lovely so it is, WWN can confirm. UK researchers with obviously nothing else better to do have decided to help media outlets create clickbait style reports… Read more »
FED up with the state of the Health Service Executive, the government have turned to a crew of highly recommended Polish lads who claim the job is ‘no problem’, and should be finished up by the weekend tops. Minister For Health Simon Harris found the Polish lads through a neighbour of his who claimed there wasn’t… Read more »
A STARK new study that suggests the daily use of cannabis could lead to an increased likelihood of psychotic disorders has been found to be the perfect thing to print out on A4 paper and make little paper filters for joints, WWN can reveal. Cannabis users shy on roaches have been using the report, compiled… Read more »
A STARK warning from the World Health Organisation has outlined the dangers of people assuming a fart is just a fart when out in public, amid the world’s ongoing battle against ‘following through’. Some of the world’s leading experts in sharting came together at a conference in Geneva where they discussed at length the impact of… Read more »
MINISTER for health Simon Harris has announced that the cost of the National Children’s Hospital has crossed the €2bn mark, thanks to the ongoing strike action by nurses and midwives. Speaking from a fortress that he made in his home out of couch cushions and tablecloths, Harris opened up about how ‘devastated’ he felt about the… Read more »