ONCE thought to be majestic beauties towering over gardens, the common sunflower has been outed for the pervert they are after a new scientific study found them to be voyeuristic in nature, peering over fences and into windows across the world for their own pleasure. “Filthy yokes,” was the professional conclusion of a three-year study… Read more »
THE HSE has pledged to make their drug analysis tent at this year’s Electric Picnic as user-friendly as possible, promising frank and clear language around what will and won’t leave you ‘chawing the fucking jaw off yourself’. As such, the HSE has only hired healthcare professionals with extensive festival-going experience to man the tent, with… Read more »
YOU’RE more likely to catch Covid from a hand sanitiser dispenser than anywhere else according to an independent report released today, as the once-vital tools against the spread of the airborne Covid-19 are now almost totally empty and only touched by people with dirty hands. “Shops, businesses and public places have just stopped filling dispensers,… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT has confirmed that in line with its decision to make contraception free to 17-25 year olds, Irish men will also be able to avail of the pull out method free of charge as part of the Health (Miscellaneous Provisions) (No. 2) Act 2022. “That’s a weight off, it’s one of those decisions that… Read more »
A NEW state of the art hospital in Spain has opened which will cater to Irish patients awaiting surgery at home but unable to due to the fact of the HSE existing in its current form. Part of the EU Cross Border Directive some 1500 Irish patients per year, who have been waiting longer than… Read more »
NEIGHBOURS, relatives and friends of Waterford woman Margaret Whelan have learned better than to try and out-sick her over the years, as there apparently isn’t a disease or ailment the 66-year-old hasn’t had and subsequently overcame. “If you say you have a cough, she’ll immediately let you know that she too had a cough a… Read more »
DISPATCHED in response to a call about an unresponsive woman in her 60s, ambulance personnel on the scene a month later can confirm there’s nothing they can do for the woman being mentioned by the local priest as ‘kind woman who is missed by her family and the wider community’ as part of a month’s… Read more »
PUTTING on a pair of shades and calmly walking away from a large scale Hollywood action movie explosion, HSE chief Paul Reid has announced he will be leaving his role now that the health service is in fine working order and free of any problems. Having transformed the HSE by solving overcrowding, wait lists and… Read more »
HEADING to A&E? You may need to plan ahead, as waiting times in emergency departments around the country have reached an average of 11 hours, so before they load you into that ambulance you may need to pack up some of the following: 1) A deck of cards Unlike a phone, tablet, laptop, Nintendo Switch… Read more »
THE truth about how close the Irish health system came to total collapse has been revealed in a stunning new book titled ‘The Almost-Shat Togs’, which gives a behind the scenes look at the weeks following the initial 2020 lockdown and how we were ‘one hospital porter with a hangover’ from total chaos, as is… Read more »