LANDLORDS suffering from a spate of spontaneous erections this week are being warned of further rises after new research found a link between rising inflation rates and their throbbing members, WWN can report. Hundreds of property owners across the country have been admitted to hospital with what is believed to be thrombosis of the dorsal… Read more »
TAINISTE Leo Varadkar has been both commended and criticised in equal measures after staging a one-man demonstration outside the homes of the anti-vax protestors who were outside his house at the weekend. Having learned the names and addresses of the dozen or so ‘patriots’ who posted videos on social media of themselves waving banners and… Read more »
EMBATTLED by months of the constant drip-feeding of sensitive government information to the press, the Taoiseach has laid down a stern warning against any further leaked memos, according to a memo leaked to us this morning. “The Taoiseach has demanded that no TD serving as part of his government should also be acting as a… Read more »
THE Democratic Unionist Party has called for an Irish translator to be bussed in from the Republic in order to decode an official letter from the President of Ireland, although an initial glance has identified the phrases ‘invitation to an upcoming centenary celebrating the partition of Ireland’ and ‘stick it up your hole’. “There are… Read more »
CEANN Comhairle Séan Ó’Fearghail had to restore order in Leinster House this morning after a chant of ‘you’re in trouble, you’re in trouble’ broke out among TDs, stemming from the Taoiseach’s request that Minister for Further Education Simon Harris ‘see him after Dáil’. It is believed that Micháel Martin, along with Vice Taoiseach Leo Varadkar… Read more »
THERE were tearful scenes as TDs’ parents dropped them off at the gates of Leinster House for their first day back at the Dáil, while elsewhere panicked Dáil bar staff feared they wouldn’t have enough stock to see them through the day. Traffic was backed up for miles surrounding Merrion Square as Guinness trucks lined… Read more »
SPEAKING recently in an interview which presumably made no mention of tribunal findings or allegations of corruption, Bertie Ahern refused to rule of running for president in 2025 sparking concern for his mental faculties and ability to read the room. So, who would vote for instead of him?
ANGRY protesters outside the Fianna Fáil think-in at the Slieve Russell hotel have been assured that their concerns surrounding the Mica redress scheme will all be taken care of in due time, specifically at a later date when a new government has taken over. Assurances have been made that the ongoing issue, which involves some… Read more »
BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson has wearily booked an EasyJet to Belfast for the weekend, in a bid to calm the DUP down and get them to stop being ‘so very tiresome’ about everything, WWN can report. DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson prompted the PM to act after threatening to collapse the NI Executive within weeks… Read more »
EXHAUSTED by actually having to deal with the pressing issues that are having a direct and negative impact on their lives such as labour shortages, supply chain issues and tax rises on the everyone but the super rich, the UK has decided to cheer itself up with the warm familiar feeling it by being whipped… Read more »