Boeing Share Price Rises On News They’re Ruthless Enough To Potentially Murder Whistleblowers

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FOLLOWING the news that Boeing whistleblower and former-quality manager John Barnett died in mysterious circumstances, days after giving damaging evidence against Boeing in a lawsuit, share price value in the beleaguered aviation giant has bounced back now it is potentially apparent they’re not above murder.

“While the shares haven’t recovered to the earlier heights of 2024 at least they’re no longer plummeting to the earth like a door falling off a Boeing 737,” confirmed one stock market expert, “the market loves when companies project control, authority and confidence, and hey, murdering a whistleblower is one way to do that”.

“Oh thank God, for a second there I thought they might be turning their back on pursuing lucrative dividends through outsourcing and cost-cutting at the expense of passenger safety,” said a relieved Boeing executive who was hoping to secure a promotion off the back of a New Zealand bound plane only half falling from the sky resulting in the hospitalisation of passengers from the effects of turbulence.

While the official cause of death for Barnett is listed as a self-inflicted shoutgun wound, experts in ‘well isn’t that mightily convenient for some’ has said they will await the hurried police investigation which bulldozes through protocols and red tape before declaring a conspiracy.

“Call me crazy but sometimes I think some people leading large corporations don’t have the public good in mind when they hallow out safety check and protocols,” shared one online conspiracy nut who was offered a free trip on a Boeing 737 Max by Boeing’s Bad PR Clean Up Unit.

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