Naive Man Rings Customer Service Call Centre At 4:56pm

UNAWARE he’s about to be left in a call queue indefinitely, Ciaran Lawrence patiently practiced all the things he was going to say to the customer service operator once he finally got through.

“You won’t be able to help me so please get your supervisor immediately,” the 32-year-old said in his head, only in a deeper, much more threatening voice than his own sounded, as call centre staff chuckled at the now 39 calls in waiting as the clock moved closer to striking 5pm and setting them free.

Cursing the repetitive music designed to force people into a state of anxiety too severe to listen to, the defiant son-of-two continued his tirade of important sounding phrases in the hopes of getting his problem sorted as quickly as possible.

“Look, I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the poor protocols your company has in place so don’t be offended if I call you a little cunt,” Lawrence continued, now left in a customer service limbo as the security alarm was engaged an industrial estate retail unit outside Kildare.

“Seriously, it’s been 32 minutes now and nothing,” he now said out loud to himself, hoping his own words would resonate somehow in a desperate bid for reassurance, “wait, are they gone home? It’s 5pm! They’ve gone home, haven’t they?” he added, redialing the number to hear the dreaded automated business hours message.

“Bastards!” Lawrence concluded, naively promising himself to never to be caught out like this again.