Could Giant Robot Mosquitoes Be The Answer To Ireland’s Low Blood Stock Levels


GIANT robot mosquitos that quietly enter people’s homes as they sleep to extract 2 litres of blood could become the norm in Ireland according to a new strategic expert hired by the Irish Blood Transfusion Service to replenish supplies.

“You won’t even notice them,” explained Martin Lovehandle, brainchild behind the proposed new scheme, “if we launch a dozen of these lads out every night for the next few weeks, we should be okay for another few months – donors won’t even have to leave their homes, just remember to leave the door open for Mosquito 3000”.

The new fleet of giant robot mosquitoes will also pour out a pint of Guinness for each donor to drink upon awakening after the anaesthetic wears off.

“Yeah, they’ll knock you out first; you seriously don’t want to wake up to one of these things in the middle of the night hovering over your bed sucking the living shite out of you, so we said it’s best put you to sleep while you’re asleep,” Prof. Lovehandle continued.

Much like how real mosquitoes seem to go for a particular blood type, so too will Mosquito 3000, which is programmed to seek donors with Rh Negative blood groups (O-, A- or B-).

“The bites will be quite itchy, yes, and they have mistakenly removed several kidneys from test subjects, but this is only because they were originally operating in China,” Prof. Lovehandle reassured.