Woman Being A Bitch To Everyone In Bid To Reduce Number Of Weddings She’s Invited To This Year

IN A BID to head off a fresh stream of dreaded wedding invites, a local Dublin woman is showing the way forward for people whose bank accounts and social calendars burst into tears every time the post man delivers a new invitation.

“I no longer put fire emojis under my besties’ selfies, if any of them have a tiff with their other half I just say ‘but he’s got a point’ and occasionally I slash their car tyres and say ‘it’s just a prank relax’,” explained an exhausted looking Grace McNamee.

“These are the things you have to be willing to do to avoid a repeat of this year’s two dozen wedding invites. Someone might suggest it’s easier to just sleep with a groom or two but Jesus, the state of some of them. Ooh that’s a good one,” beamed McNamee, jotting down ‘imply husband-to-be has face on him like a burst bag of shite welded to a baboon’s arse’.

28-year-old McNamee is hitting that horrible sweet spot of all her dearest and closest friends finding the love of their lives and marrying, a phase of life everyone resents due to their bank balance being left looking like aging Republicans armed with a JCB mistook it for a border county ATM.

“Cancelling all catch ups at the last minute is essential, saying ‘but I didn’t drink as much as you’ when splitting bills at restaurants, ‘wow I didn’t think that dress would suit your figure and I was right’, basically copy and paste the behaviour of the driest shite you know, and you’ll be down at least five invites without much effort,” outlined McNamee, who will miss the lifelong friendships she is destroying but is content in the knowledge she won’t ever be subjected to the double combo of a hen and wedding abroad again.