Worrying: Only 37% Of Irish Can Name Every Single Priest In Father Ted From Memory


FREEDOM OF INFORMATION requests have revealed worries expressed at the highest levels of the Department of Education over the result of a recent survey which revealed just 37% of Irish people can recite the names of every priest featured in Father Ted.

“We’ve fallen asleep at the wheel here, is Irish history a subject in schools at all?” one internal email seen by Minister for Education Norma Foley.

“We can argue whether all the priests listed off by Mrs Doyle to Fr Good Unctious count as official priests but for fuck sake some people don’t even recall that episode unless prompted,” raged another DoE official who called for a Citizens Assembly on the matter.

While there are calls to invest more in Fr Ted education, it remains to be seen what will be done for those older people whose foundational knowledge has withered on the vine since fluency in Father Ted quotes was at its height of 96% in the early 2000s.

“Either we’re a nation of gas cunts or we’re not, and this 37% stat is the canary in the coalmine, I appreciate the work JOE does with its hourly Fr Ted based post, but they can’t do it alone,” the Minister for Education in an email demanding to know who dropped the ball on the matter.

Plans under consideration to revitalise Father Ted priest name knowledge include rerouting all Irish language funding and putting it towards salaries for 10,000 TikTok influencers to stitch in Fr Ted audio into their videos on a full time basis.