Elon Musk To Be Grand Marshall Of This Year’s 12th Of July Marches

FOR HIS SERVICES to encouraging Loyalist thugs to burn out foreigners in Belfast and beyond, an invite has been extended to Elon Musk to be the grand marshal at the this year’s 12th of July festivities.

“Ay, there’s no better way to show our appreciation for the man and all he’s done, what with him agitating for a global race war ‘n that, and being so kind as to use his social media platforms to make us the focal point for a few days” confirmed one Orange Order adjacent man, who would only give WWN his details if we were interested in buying drugs.

“Like, he could been tweeting before about how Donaldson is a nonce, and maybe part of nonce ring which destroyed lives here, going back decades, or about State sanctioned killings of the Taigs or all the intimidation and drug dealing I do, but naw, he got the head down and helped us foment enough blind rage that we got to do a bit of ethnic cleansing,” added another appreciative order man.

Musk, generous to a fault, and one to always recognise to superiority of civilised Western cultural events such as the 12th, has gone on record to say he will cover the costs of last night’s petrol bombs and fire.

“Not the clean up like, just what me and the lads light fluid and that, dead on so he is,” added one hooded teen.

“He tells it like it is, and what I like about Elon is that no one did more to help get Trump elected, who has gone on to start multiple wars, causing huge instability in the sorts of countries I don’t want any immigrants from, so his hands are clean of this immigration business. Plus, getting kicked out of Washington’s orange order must have been tough for him, this’ll be a nice boost for him,” offered one drum thumper.

While Musk said he was truly humbled to be asked to lead a celebration of millennia old Irish culture and traditions which celebrate a Dutch foreigner killing Irish people in the 1600s, he could only accept the invitation if he could be the ‘grand wizard’ of the parade, not the grand marshal.