ALREADY overstaying his welcome here on earth, media mogul Rupert Murdoch’s current life status remains in the balance again this year as opposite factions of the universe refuse to take him post-death. A spokes demon for hell confirmed the sanctity where evil souls are subjected to punitive suffering, often torture, as eternal punishment after death… Read more »
AS NATIONS such as Ireland look on enviously at the progress the UK makes with its vaccine programme, PM Boris Johnson has revealed details of the country’s road map out of lockdown. Johnson, famous for his trustworthy nature and ability to lead without any hiccups, mishaps or law breaking has said that lockdown restrictions in… Read more »
US President Joe Biden has assured his supporters that Donald Trump’s reign of terror towards migrants along the border has come to an end and been replaced with a much more comforting, left-leaning reign of terror instead. “There will be no more children in detention centres on the US border, which was a despicable crime… Read more »
ENVIOUS social media users from across the world have expressed their palpable envy for Australians’ news-free Facebook experience. “Wow, lucky bastards; no crazy aunt arguing with you under the 50 racist Daily Mail articles she’s posted, no old school friend sharing anti-vaxx conspiracy theories. Those Aussies are living the dream,” confirmed one social media user… Read more »
CLEVER journalists around the world are today drafting their obituaries for Prince Philip in a bid to give themselves the morning off when the ailing, aging royal passes away, but they have nothing on Waterford writer Mike Phillips, who has had his ‘locked and loaded’ since the prince crashed his car in 2019. “When he… Read more »
NASA’s groundbreaking Perseverance rover has touched down on the surface of Mars, where it will now remain in isolation for 14 days to ensure it does not spread Covid-19, unlike some of you we could mention. Although the chances of transmitting Covid-19 from a mechanical 6-wheeled exploratory vehicle to whatever microbial life may exist in… Read more »
NEW evidence discovered by an Irish funded scientific study has concluded that ‘there’s always fucking something’, proving at long last that when things seem to be going your way, some absolute crap pops up to ruin your day. The study, which focused on 1,000 people over a ten-week period who claimed they were having a… Read more »
HAVING failed to sign an executive order rowing back the Trump administration’s approach to disaster-hit areas, US President Joe Biden is to travel to storm-hit Houston to hand out packs of kitchen rolls, snacks, and MAGA hats. The state of Texas is currently experiencing the worst winter storms in history not helped by interrupted electricity… Read more »
GARDAÍ have today warned of a sophisticated scam which cons esteemed elderly people into sitting with members of the Dubai royal family and getting their photographs taken which will later be used as propaganda to hide criminal activities, WWN can confirm. “If you are approached by wealthy Middle Eastern businessmen asking you to travel to… Read more »
NEW Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has ordered the army to source nuclear bombs from somewhere and detonate them in key locations in a last-ditch attempt to wipe out covid-19 for good, WWN has learned. The new measure comes after three people were found to be infected with the highly contagious UK variant, initially forcing… Read more »