CATHOLICS looking for a sign that their conveniently non-interventionist God is trying to send them a positive message and improve their lot during a global pandemic need look no further than what many people are calling the second greatest Easter miracle of all time; the overturning of Cardinal George Pell’s conviction and 6-year prison sentence… Read more »
FRESH concerns have been raised over the health of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson after Dominic Raab held a press conference to assure the public that Johnson’s condition was ‘strong and stable’; British for ‘weak and uncertain’. Johnson was admitted to St. Thomas’ Hospital yesterday with severe Coronavirus symptoms, and was admitted to ICU after… Read more »
DURING WHAT WAS meant to be a stirring address delivered to reinvigorate the British people’s resoluteness in the face of adversity, Queen Elizabeth II had her live TV address cut short after she linked the Covid-19 pandemic to ‘brain frying autism canons; the cancer factory that is 5G technology’. As misinformation and unverified rumours run… Read more »
THE WORLD’S financial institutions, in conjunction with world leaders, have reassured the public that while they don’t know exactly how they’re going to fuck over the poorest in the world, they will certainly do so in a monumentally sociopathic fashion. “Bailouts. Stimulus. Debt repackaging. Whatever is needed – we’re going to act like we walked… Read more »
IN much-needed good news for the USA, President Donald Trump announced yesterday that he is to impose a heavy fee on China for each and every US citizen confirmed to have contracted the Coronavirus, giving a much-needed boost to the on-the-ropes American economy. Millions of Americans had up to this point felt enormous fear and… Read more »
IN TIMES of crisis, everyday Americans living through the spread of Covid-19 are learning who their friends are. As New York officials beg the Trump administration for medical supplies and support in the hours before and after President Trump announced $100 million worth of medical supplies would be sent to various European nations, those nations… Read more »
ACKNOWLEDGING the positive diagnoses for noted insufferables such as Boris Johnson and Prince Charles, the world admitted that while it is no position to call into question Covid-19’s pandemic pursuits many people would like to draw the acute respiratory infection’s attention to a particular list of people. In amongst the list of old bosses, ex-lovers… Read more »
“THEY tried to make me waste all the money on people, healthcare workers and medical supplies, but I fought for what’s important; executive pay, bonuses and wealthy businesses,” President Trump tearfully confirmed to reporters after a historic $2 trillion stimulus package was passed by the US Senate. Trump spent long portions of the latest media… Read more »
“THANK GOD, that’s one comfort during these sorrowful times,” exhaled the world, breathing a gargantuan sigh of relief as it read of the latest rich celebrity or business person being tested or diagnosed with Covid-19, at a time and in a country where frontline workers are not even being provided with tests. “Every day I… Read more »
“FUCKERS just dropped dead” shrugged a spokesperson for the Russian government today, at a press conference outlining how 376 anti-Putin journalists, scholars and critics managed to contract Coronavirus and die within the space of 2 hours. The 376 deaths bring Russia’s total up to 377, with the state having previously recorded just one death out… Read more »