THE LARGEST public information campaign of its kind ever undertaken in America enters its final weeks with US citizens being reminded again and again that an anti-Trump vaccine can be administered to all on November 3rd of this year, curing all manner of vile and malignant pathogens that have spread across society in recent years…. Read more »
AN UNEDITED transcript of Pope Francis’ controversial speech advocating same-sex families has been revealed, showing that the Pontiff may have swung his decision based on a four-day Queer Eye binge-a-thon as well as a heartbreaking viewing of ‘Call Me By Your Name’, WWN can report. The Pope caused ripples throughout the Catholic Church with his… Read more »
PRESIDENT Donald Trump has reacted with horror to the news that a judge has ordered that interview transcripts from friend-to-the-billionaires Ghislaine Maxwell be made public, as he had been certain that it was no longer something that he had to worry about. Maxwell, ex-girlfriend of disgraced sex-offender and Trump buddy Jeffrey Epstein, had been expected… Read more »
WITH NEWS that US presidential debate organisers plan on muting candidates’ microphones whenever there’s an interruption, it has now been confirmed that the final debate will as a result take place entirely through the art form of mime. “We could sit here and pretend like Agent Orange isn’t going to just interrupt for 90 minutes… Read more »
THE 48-YEAR-OLD judge is currently undergoing a grilling by the US Senate in her confirmation hearing for the US Supreme Court, here’s everything you need to know about Amy Coney Barrett: – Of strict Catholic faith and belonging to a conservative and clandestine religious group, believes life begins at point of ejaculation. – First time… Read more »
TRYING her best to sum up the intense, visceral disdain she has for US president Donald Trump, local woman Rebecca O’Brien confirmed she would rather give birth out her arsehole than ever look at that ‘obese oompa loompa prick’ again. With coverage of Trump on news stations increasing as the 2020 US election date draws… Read more »
THE October 15th ‘virtual debate’ between President Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Joe Biden has been called off after Trump refused to participate; but by using sophisticated AI, we’ve been able to create a near-flawless rendition of what would have went down. We forced a specially-programmed bot to consume hours of Trump’s 2016 debates and… Read more »
A LARGELY uneventful US vice-presidential debate had one standout moment which dominated internet chatter; the presence of a fly landing on vice-president Mike Pence’s head, clearly placed there by Russian operatives. Pence, looking like the biological father of the Ken doll from Toy Story 3, was delivered key assistance by a fly which buzzed in… Read more »
NEWS that visors are virtually useless when combating the spread of and exposure to Covid-19 is just the latest example of 2020 refusing to give anyone a break, even for five fucking seconds. “Jesus, we’re just trying our best and following guidelines but this ceaselessly malevolent, unextinguishable dumpster fire of the year just won’t let… Read more »
“WHERE AM I? Why brain no sense?” president Donald Trump confirmed in his first address from the Oval Office since his stunning symbiosis with Covid-19, clearly showing no adverse affects from his brave battle with the ‘it’s basically the flu’ pandemic. Before the exceptional specimen of a man returned to his day job of ranting… Read more »