Category: WORLD NEWS

Final US Presidential Debate To Be Done In Mime

WITH NEWS that US presidential debate organisers plan on muting candidates’ microphones whenever there’s an interruption, it has now been confirmed that the final debate will as a result take place entirely through the art form of mime. “We could sit here and pretend like Agent Orange isn’t going to just interrupt for 90 minutes… Read more »

Everything You Need To Know About Amy Coney Barrett

THE 48-YEAR-OLD judge is currently undergoing a grilling by the US Senate in her confirmation hearing for the US Supreme Court, here’s everything you need to know about Amy Coney Barrett: – Of strict Catholic faith and belonging to a conservative and clandestine religious group, believes life begins at point of ejaculation. – First time… Read more »

The Second Trump-Biden Debate Has Been Cancelled, But Here’s How It Would Have Gone

THE October 15th ‘virtual debate’ between President Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Joe Biden has been called off after Trump refused to participate; but by using sophisticated AI, we’ve been able to create a near-flawless rendition of what would have went down. We forced a specially-programmed bot to consume hours of Trump’s 2016 debates and… Read more »

Report Suggests Visors Useless Against Covid & Oh For Fuck Sake Can’t This Miserable Piece Of Shit Year Just Give Us A Break For 5 Fucking Seconds, I Mean, Come On

NEWS that visors are virtually useless when combating the spread of and exposure to Covid-19 is just the latest example of 2020 refusing to give anyone a break, even for five fucking seconds. “Jesus, we’re just trying our best and following guidelines but this ceaselessly malevolent, unextinguishable dumpster fire of the year just won’t let… Read more »