PUB INDUSTRY leaders have pushed for further concessions in how they operate upon reopening and have proposed making up for lost revenue by easing the public back into pub life and allowing for week-long sessions and lock-ins. “We’ll already be feeding them their €9 breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lay a bit of straw on the… Read more »
A LEAKED document between the key members of the government and the National Public Health Emergency Team has outlined plans to get as many people back to work as quickly and as safely as possible, in an effort to avoid what is being described as ‘the mother and father of all economic hidings’, WWN has… Read more »
THROUGH a combination of hugely devastating unemployment, and the noble commitment from those still in jobs to look increasingly unkempt, the nation’s supply of shirts have gone unworn for another month, WWN can confirm. With the large numbers of people working from home content to conduct video conference calls equipped with a 4 month old… Read more »
ONE LOCAL business proving to be an integral part of Ireland’s economic recovery has been hailed as ‘heroic’ after an announcement of a whopping 20 unpaid internships, WWN can reveal. Norton Merriman Services LTD CEO Terrence Cleary shared the good news of the unpaid internships, with jobs specs that sound like they should really command… Read more »
ADOPTING the ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ strategy that served them so well through the 2008-11 banking crisis years, the property developers and senior bankers of Ireland have preemptively informed the Irish government that whatever share of the announced €1 trillion Covid-19 EU recovery package Ireland gets has already been spunked on a nearby wall… Read more »
WITH a new report suggesting that 50% of Irish people have increased their consumption of alcohol since the implementation of the Covid-19 lockdown, WWN have employed renowned drinking expert James Michael Phelan to help you through any problems that this increased intoxication may be having on you. With over 20 years of boss-dodging, breath-hiding hangover… Read more »
THE Government has admitted that they sometimes struggled to stay focused on the topic of small to medium enterprises, due to the ongoing distractions of those sexy, voluptuous multinational corporations and their pendulous, juicy tax loopholes. “Well, it’s very easy for the opposition to state that we don’t care about SMEs, but I think you’ll… Read more »
THE Irish public have overwhelmingly agreed that the Coronavirus outbreak that crippled the country a mere 10 weeks ago is ‘done and dusted’, and that Monday’s proposed move to phase 2 of re-opening should be ‘cranked up ta fuck’ all the way to phase 5. The second phase of reopening, set to kick in on… Read more »
SORELY missing the once regular easy flow of commission on all house sales, one local estate agent clearly climbing the walls in utter panic, has repeatedly stated that contrary to all available information and common sense, now is actually the perfect time to buy a house. “Confidence may be down, but we’re going to see… Read more »
A DAWN raid by police has resulted in the dismantling of the largest illegal hairdressing ring in the country and the seizure of €15,000 worth of hair dye, scissors and dozens of women’s gossip magazines, WWN can confirm. The calm of the morning silence in the sleepy Dublin suburb was punctured by the armed response… Read more »
