AUTHORITIES’ worst fears in relation to a lack of compliance with Covid-19 guidelines have been realised after gardaí discovered a meat factory serving substantial meals to pint-drinking school children. “Oh God, this is exactly the kind of scenario we wanted to avoid,” confirmed one NPHET official, head in hands. With recent clusters emerging in meat… Read more »
DUBLIN native Anthony Dillon is set to greet the news that from today mask wearing is mandatory in shops, shopping centres and other indoor settings with a day of belligerent and antagonistic non-compliance, WWN understands. Dillon, who would be the sort to staple a mask to his face if he was told not to wear… Read more »
AVERTING its eyes from any concerning news reports about social media app TikTok, Ireland has already begun unfurling the red carpet to welcome the data harvesting company’s announcement of ‘some jobs’ for the country. “Yiz could be making your app out of the pulped remains of Uighurs for all we care, chuck us a few… Read more »
“WE as a nation have become way too dependent on being gas bastards, and our unwillingness to adapt to a lower-craic environment may prove to be unsustainable and ultimately, our downfall” stated a solemn Micheál Martin today, after delaying Phase 4 and the re-opening of pubs around the country for the second time. “For too… Read more »
WITH the number of human fatalities thankfully dwindling day-by-day, Ireland’s daily covid-19 briefings will now count the daily number of deceased businesses across the country, WWN has learned. “Dozens of businesses are dying every single day due to restrictions, so it’s best we include them in our covid daily briefings,” a spokesman for the HSE… Read more »
RESPONDING to a grilling by US politicians on destructive and un-American business practices while operating monopolies the CEOs of tech’s ‘Big Four’ Facebook, Google, Apple and Amazon all agreed that it would be a real shame if politicians online search histories were made free to view online. “Or their Amazon purchase history, imagine being a… Read more »
HI, [insert country name here]. Thank you for your purchase of ‘1,000 new Amazon jobs’. Your purchase will be with your shortly! While you are waiting for your arrival of ‘1,000 new Amazon jobs’, please consider the following add-on purchases, which customers such as yourselves also bought: 1) Retention of said jobs For the simple… Read more »
FOLLOWING decades of subservient behaviour towards the EU and agreeing to share its most lucrative of resources, the Republic of Ireland has this week taken a stand, telling its European partners that “no, you will never take our tax haven status”. Despite allowing some of the most aggressive fishing in its waters the world has… Read more »
CIARAN McClennan’s not so smooth return back to working in the office is, according to experts, just the latest example of how working from home during the Covid-19 pandemic may have a lasting impact on how we relate and interact to the world around us. McClennan, a customer services rep for a utilities company has… Read more »
FRESH from watching what was once thought to be an extinct ritual; a Fianna Fáil minister apologising in the Dáil for omitting information someone running for office should have made public, the party has announced the dispatching of developers around the country to begin a huge construction project. Much of the nation’s parish pumps were… Read more »
