THE head of the company tasked with building the National Children’s Hospital has been revealed to be none other than nefarious weasel villain Scurbious McGillicuddy, who was last seen heading out of town on the front of a train that had just hit him, WWN can confirm. McGillicuddy, along with his rogue band of cartoon… Read more »
THE WORLD’S financial institutions, in conjunction with world leaders, have reassured the public that while they don’t know exactly how they’re going to fuck over the poorest in the world, they will certainly do so in a monumentally sociopathic fashion. “Bailouts. Stimulus. Debt repackaging. Whatever is needed – we’re going to act like we walked… Read more »
DECIMATED by the coronavirus lockdown, the nation’s career criminals have come out in force to ask the general public if they could leave at least one or two items of value in their garden sheds in a bid to keep them ticking over during the crisis. Unable to avail of government grants, burglars said they’re… Read more »
THE pampered and spoiled snowflake generation of Ireland is stocking up on avocados and poetry recitals ahead of their next bitterly tough recession, during which they’re expected to do nothing except bitch and whine, WWN can report. Defined as anyone born between 1980 and 1994, but actually used as an insult for anyone under the… Read more »
WATERFORD self-isolator Derek Smithlan is ‘all set’ for his work-from-home Skype meeting with the rest of his team, having spent the morning making sure that his laptop faces a backdrop that looks like he’s a well-read man with loads of books. Having felt great shame earlier in the week during a Skype call with his… Read more »
FOLLOWING the announcement that all restrictions due to the covid-19 crisis are to continue until the 19th of April, the Kinahan drugs cartel have made an announcement of their own. The corporation, which runs the majority of the nation’s drug supply, has launched a 12 tonne heroin stimulus package over the next year which should… Read more »
WITH the country on the verge of a total lockdown and all but essential travel reduced to an absolute minimum, the fuel industry has made the decision to lower the cost of petrol and diesel to its lowest price in years, seemingly just to piss people off. New figures released today show the price of… Read more »
THOSE searching for good news in these uncertain times should get a bit of relief from the news coming out of China today, almost all of tech giant Apple’s Chinese workforce has returned to productivity, including however many kids that are on the payroll. Most factories in China were forced to either shut down or… Read more »
IN MANY COUNTRIES around the world people are being asked, advised and forced to work from home, and for some parents that means juggling a working day at home with a day at home with the kids. WWN speaks exclusively to a number of working-from-home Irish parents who share their stories: “Anna, I’m telling you… Read more »
IF you think the Coronavirus is frightening, you haven’t seen anything yet; this week, the stock market took a knife to the throat in what some investors are calling ‘Money’s 9/11’, WWN can report. From the opening of business, shares in companies were literally snatched from their beds in the middle of the night by… Read more »
