Category: BUSINESS

Gardaí Shut Down Meat Factory Pub Operating As A School

AUTHORITIES’ worst fears in relation to a lack of compliance with Covid-19 guidelines have been realised after gardaí discovered a meat factory serving substantial meals to pint-drinking school children. “Oh God, this is exactly the kind of scenario we wanted to avoid,” confirmed one NPHET official, head in hands. With recent clusters emerging in meat… Read more »

“TikTok’s Dodgy Data Gathering & Links To Chinese Government Fine By Us” Confirms Ireland After Jobs Promise

AVERTING its eyes from any concerning news reports about social media app TikTok, Ireland has already begun unfurling the red carpet to welcome the data harvesting company’s announcement of ‘some jobs’ for the country. “Yiz could be making your app out of the pulped remains of Uighurs for all we care, chuck us a few… Read more »

Daily Covid Briefings To Start Releasing The Number Of Deceased Businesses

WITH the number of human fatalities thankfully dwindling day-by-day, Ireland’s daily covid-19 briefings will now count the daily number of deceased businesses across the country, WWN has learned. “Dozens of businesses are dying every single day due to restrictions, so it’s best we include them in our covid daily briefings,” a spokesman for the HSE… Read more »

Tech Giants Tell US Congress It’d Be A Shame If Politicians Internet Search Histories Were Released

RESPONDING to a grilling by US politicians on destructive and un-American business practices while operating monopolies the CEOs of tech’s ‘Big Four’ Facebook, Google, Apple and Amazon all agreed that it would be a real shame if politicians online search histories were made free to view online. “Or their Amazon purchase history, imagine being a… Read more »