Arrested Mexican Drug Lord ‘El Mayo’ Went To Achill Gaeltacht

THE ASTONISHING connection Mexican drug lord Ismael ‘El Mayo’ Zambada García forged with the west coast island has come to light after his arrest in El Paso, Texas at the hands of the FBI.

“He would just never shut up about how idyllic and beautiful it was when he went there as a 13-year-old, always repeating some incomprehensible stuff about ‘shifting cailins’,” said one close associate of ‘El Mayo’, who led one of the most violent and powerful drug trafficking organisations in the world in the absence of his boss El Chapo.

El Mayo, who found himself at an Achill Gaeltacht after his mother, growing weary of his anti-social behaviour, shipped him off to Ireland where he was sent to Achill by his mother’s distant 3rd cousin from Ballina and credited to weeks he spent there as formative and life-changing.

“While we were all getting imposing and intimidating names like ‘El Tigre’ and ‘La Mano De La Muerte’ he got ‘El Mayo’ on account of how he would just drone on and on about this Achill place. ‘If it had the sun it’d be a different place altogether’ he would say,” shared another associate.

Although a mocking nickname, El Mayo earned the respect of his fellow cartel members by torturing rivals with repeated slaps on the knuckles with a wooden spoon.

“El Mayo said he learned this method from a tyrannical Irish warrior he called Bean an Tí, who was the most feared figure in Achill, he would wake up in cold sweats thinking about her,” offered another cartel member.

“His nickname actually ruined some really important drug deals, he was forced to explain the meaning to some Colombians and they didn’t find it intimidating or anything, so they tried to rip us off. But I do think one of them subsequently holidayed in Mayo so that’s something,” concluded the cartel member.