SPEAKING at a prearranged press conference outside his family home, Waterford man Derek Tracey informed the local and national media that he has enough aftershave in the toilet cabinet right now to last him the rest of his life, and if anyone was thinking of getting him more, “don’t”. The 43-year-old listed off almost a dozen high… Read more »
A SOGGY piece of penne pasta has finally been washed down the plughole of the McGrenner family kitchen sink after almost a full week, having succumbed to being mashed with a spoon. The pasta had laid in the plughole for six whole days after falling out of a pot as mother Sheila McGrenner poured off the… Read more »
INITIAL concerns around the severity of Ebola Breakout 2k19 have been alleviated by the news that the troublesome disease has managed to quarantine itself to the poorer areas of the world, WWN can confirm. The deadly disease, which returned this year for a killer new season after several years on hiatus, is currently causing huge amounts… Read more »
PRESIDENT of Iran Hassan Rouhani has owned up to a string of attacks on oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman, citing boredom and an itch to scratch when it comes to starting a war with the biggest military industrial complex in the world. Sick of decades of relative peace and prosperity in the middle eastern nation,… Read more »
THE NEWS that alcohol brand Guinness has suddenly stressed the need to take a moral stance, reiterating their status as protector of what is right and decent, has come as a shock to many who thought they were a huge producer of alcohol, WWN can reveal. While their stance of withdrawing their sponsorship of London… Read more »
SO YOU’VE spent all your money on your epileptic child’s medicinal cannabis treatments abroad and now they’re asking question after question as to why they have to endure the crippling seizures every time they return home to Ireland? The Taoiseach has all the answers you will need. Q: “Daddy, it’s only morning time and I’ve already had two seizures. Can we go… Read more »
CITING finding it impossible to sleep soundly at night as the reason for her resignation, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders will now concentrate all her energy on not being haunted by the things she’s done. “If she attacks sleeping with the same shameless ferocity she attacked the media and spouted complete bullshit, I have… Read more »
DESPITE all available facts which should act as a deterrent, the fucking Brits are really entering into the finals stages of creating such a morally bankrupt society that Boris Johnson can waltz into the position of prime minister. Johnson, who has dedicated his life to only providing proof of his insidious ineptitude, finds himself topping… Read more »
THE LIFESPAN of a career criminal is growing ever more brief as the violence that dominates Irish crime means many people’s lives are snuffed out, long before they can make their mark and become properly acquainted with the gardaí. If you were considering pursuing a life in crime, you need not be deterred by the… Read more »
