Flash Flooding In Frankfurt Blamed On Ronaldo’s Tears


GERMAN rescue workers in Frankfurt are calling for additional help as they continue to battle flash floods which started as a result of Cristiano Ronaldo’s self-indulgent blubbering.

What initially began as a narcissistic attempt to make everything about himself once again, the pitch of the Waldstadion in Frankfurt became waterlogged, with the excess water spreading throughout the city.

“He’s an arschloch,” remarked 79-year-old Hildegard Krause, as she was lifted from her flooded home into the safety of a rescue boat, “he’d eat himself if he was made of chocolate”.

An emotional Ronaldo, who was later put on eight different saline drips by concerned doctors trying to save him from chronic dehydration caused by his crying, set a new tournament record for XCO (expected checking himself out on the big screen in the stadium) during the game.

Sources close to the Portuguese camp have even speculated that the source of Ronaldo’s tears were nothing to do with missing a penalty, rather the result of having the latest episode of House of the Dragon spoiled on him by a Slovenian player.

Elsewhere, in an act of heroism rarely seen Diogo Costa rescued Roberto Martinez’s job.