WITH the new Premier League season fast approaching Manchester United legend Roy Keane has politely asked newly installed manager Erik Ten Hag if he can have five minutes alone with his squad. “Just want to wish them well ahead of the new season. Positive affirmations, maybe a nice group selfie, lead a meditation exercise, that… Read more »
A NUMBER of football fans in England have held off condemning a Premier League player after their arrest for alleged rape lest it emerge that the as yet unnamed player is playing for their team. “Plays for the scum across the city? Easy; should be locked up for life. Football and wider society needs to… Read more »
HAVING been found not guilty of fraud at a Swiss trial alongside Michel Platini, ex-FIFA chief Sepp Blatter gave a rambling and confused speech outside the court room. Rather than addressing the allegations and his being found not guilty, Blatter began dispensing financial advice to the judges in what many observers have praised a nice… Read more »
EMERGING from a Dublin court this morning, Gavin Canvy has said he feels ‘vindicated’ and that ‘justice has been served’ after being awarded compensation of €20 million in lost earnings in his case against Samba Soccer camps. “Mastering the Brazilian flick was strongly advertised as the sort of era-defining earth-shattering skill that would ensure my… Read more »
AN ARMAGH player has been praised for taking sportsmanship to a new level following a generous and thoughtful intervention during yesterday’s All-Ireland semi final clash between Armagh and Galway. While other players were overcome with a feverous competitive will to fight resulting in a large schmozzle on the pitch at the end of normal time,… Read more »
A TRIUMPHANT Ryan Giggs has decided to go out on top in the wake of guiding his Wales team to their first World Cup since 1958, WWN Sports can reveal. “It’s nice to go out on a high having singlehandedly spearheaded this qualification campaign,” said Giggs in a statement issued through Gary Neville’s The Overlap… Read more »
“THAT’S not on, United were good enough to come and have a kickabout, there was no need to film. Bit of a betrayal if you ask me” – the views of one critical Twitter user after it emerged BT Sport and Sky Sports have been secretly filming Manchester United being irredeemable bang average for upwards… Read more »
IN THE AFTERMATH of the ghost of Maradona possessing Nathan Collins during Ireland’s match against Ukraine, and taking into account Micheal Obafemi’s thunderbastard of a goal in the previous game against Scotland, FIFA have been left with no choice but to preemptively ban the Ireland team pending a doping investigation. “There’s simply no other explanation… Read more »
WHETHER it is simply a way to cool himself down or an elaborate display to let the judge and jury that he has money to burn, disgraced former FIFA exec Sepp Blatter, entering the court to the sound of 2Pac’s Money On My Mind, is committed to fanning himself with $1000 dollar notes throughout his… Read more »
CONTINUING its enduring acts of solidarity with the Ukrainian people, Ireland has kindly agreed to ‘let’ Ukraine beat them in tonight’s Nation’s League game in Dublin. “You might think that having lost to Armenia, the 92nd ranked team in the world, that we’d have no say in whether Euro 2020 quarter finalists Ukraine beat us… Read more »