SPEAKING with absolute authority on a man he had never heard of 72 hours ago, local Manchester United supporter Dave Hanelly can’t stop waxing lyrical about the genius of Ralf Rangnick, WWN can reveal. Confident he has learned Rangnick’s Wikipedia entry off by heart, Hanelly has scoffed at other United fans who confessed to not… Read more »
WITH the FAI Cup Final finishing 1-1 in extra time, longstanding rules in the Irish game meant St Patrick’s Athletic walked away the victors due to their fans winning the formal prematch brawl which met official requirements of ‘fists, flares and fucking eejits’. “It’s not how you want to win it, but they all count,”… Read more »
SPREADING out their arms and legs as much as possible to obscure the view of anyone who happens upon the scene, Qatari World Cup 2022 officials have stressed once again that there are zero human rights issues experienced by migrant workers after some minors reforms. Fresh from arresting and releasing two Norwegian journalists for ‘trespassing’,… Read more »
COMMENTING on Ireland’s 0-0 draw with Portugal, RTÉ panelist Liam Brady remained unconvinced by the performance and insisted there were only negatives to take from Stephen Kenny’s output when you take away all the positives. “Hang on Darragh I’d say the jury is very much still out on this whole taking pleasure from being alive… Read more »
EMERGING as the front runner to succeed Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at Manchester United, West Ham boss David Moyes continues to excite and delight with his team’s display, fresh from a 3-2 win over fellow title contenders Liverpool. “If he can get Aaron Cresswell playing like Roberto Carlos at West Ham, he can probably turn Aaron… Read more »
OLE GUNNAR Solskjaer is seriously fearing for his job now that the United board has confirmed that he ‘can do whatever he wants today’ including having his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite movie and any other things he loves doing. “You wanna go go-karting too Ole? Honestly mate, whatever you want let’s do it,”… Read more »
DESPITE ongoing rumours, Steve Bruce has been given assurances by Newcastle’s new owners that he will be given six games to save his head, as they confirmed this isn’t just something they say to people they’re going to execute to make sure they don’t run away. “Mohammed bin Salmon, who is not affiliated with the… Read more »
ON FOOT of the revelation that Irish international Callum Robinson has once again failed to get a shot on target despite testing positive for Covid-19 on two separate occasions, the FAI investigative unit is to look into the possibility the Irish team that took to the field and lost 1-0 to Luxembourg in March were… Read more »
THE SHOCKING news that Man City player Benjamin Mendy has been charged with four counts of rape has led the Premier League champions to suspend the player but it is not thought it will affect their emerging pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo. “It must function in the same way teams have to have a certain number… Read more »
SEEKING to maximise the output from their newly installed signing Lionel Messi, the Qatari government’s ‘Qatar Investment Authority’, which owns PSG is set to also employ the €35 million a year striker on another, more physically demanding project. Known primarily for his silky skills and an ability to make PSG millions in shirt sales, Messi… Read more »