Category: Football

Judges In Blatter Trial Advised Not To Spend Money On Anything Flashy, Nothing That Arouses Suspicion

HAVING been found not guilty of fraud at a Swiss trial alongside Michel Platini, ex-FIFA chief Sepp Blatter gave a rambling and confused speech outside the court room. Rather than addressing the allegations and his being found not guilty, Blatter began dispensing financial advice to the judges in what many observers have praised a nice… Read more »

36-Year-Old Man Successfully Sues Samba Soccer Camp After Failing To Become Professional Footballer

EMERGING from a Dublin court this morning, Gavin Canvy has said he feels ‘vindicated’ and that ‘justice has been served’ after being awarded compensation of €20 million in lost earnings in his case against Samba Soccer camps. “Mastering the Brazilian flick was strongly advertised as the sort of era-defining earth-shattering skill that would ensure my… Read more »

FIFA Launch Doping Probe After Ireland Score Screamers In Two Consecutive Games

IN THE AFTERMATH of the ghost of Maradona possessing Nathan Collins during Ireland’s match against Ukraine, and taking into account Micheal Obafemi’s thunderbastard of a goal in the previous game against Scotland, FIFA have been left with no choice but to preemptively ban the Ireland team pending a doping investigation. “There’s simply no other explanation… Read more »

Lovely Gesture: Ireland To Lose To Ukraine Tonight

CONTINUING its enduring acts of solidarity with the Ukrainian people, Ireland has kindly agreed to ‘let’ Ukraine beat them in tonight’s Nation’s League game in Dublin. “You might think that having lost to Armenia, the 92nd ranked team in the world, that we’d have no say in whether Euro 2020 quarter finalists Ukraine beat us… Read more »