AFTER numerous 6-year-old children failed to adequately calm him down by pointing out “it’s only a game of fucking football, relax” Man City manager Pep Guardiola still has a constant stream of steam emanating from his ears following his team’s 3-1 loss to Liverpool, much to the displeasure of his wife, Cristina. Despite nearly 24-hours… Read more »
LEADING the league by 8 points, Everton in the relegation zone, Manchester City losing and Manchester United in a constant state of hilarious turmoil has led Liverpool fans this morning to express a very real worry that this is all a dream and they are due to wake up at any moment. In a bid… Read more »
SPORTS fans are being urged to “pick a fucking lane” after bitter complaints that VAR is ruining games left and right, despite decades of calling for VAR to prevent games being ruined. VAR, short for Video Assistant Referee, was brought in to combat close calls such as penalty decisions, red card calls and goal-mouth scrambles,… Read more »
HALO wearing patron saint of Irish football John Delaney has suddenly resigned from the FAI with immediate effect in the surest sign yet that he has done nothing wrong, with no one finding the fact this has happened eight days ahead of the publication of a forensic audit report into the FAI suspicious at all…. Read more »
WATERFORD schoolkid Brendan Biron is under orders to be on his best behaviour today, under threat of the gravest punishment of all; being forced to sit through a Republic Of Ireland Euro qualifier. Biron, 9, had been ‘acting the pup’ all day, until his father Jeremy and his mum Eileen told him in no uncertain terms… Read more »
ERASING from his memory the countless times he called Liverpool’s Super Cup match against Chelsea ‘a meaningless friendly’, Reds fan Eoin Healy has now enthusiastically confirmed it is actually yet another historic night for the club. “Always said this was a massive game for us,” confirmed Healy, who had prepared a ‘fuck it, it’s only… Read more »
PEOPLE have been sharing their first hand accounts of joyously watching England lose to the USA in last night’s World Cup semi-final, providing concrete proof that when it comes to deriving joy from English football failure – the game has reached unparalleled levels of equality. “I thought maybe since the women’s game gets fuck all… Read more »
FIFA has reiterated that no matter the overwhelming evidence of human rights abuses or blatant corruption and bribery you dangle in front of their eyes, Qatar will still be hosting the 2022 World Cup. The news comes after former UEFA chief Michel Platini was arrested for his part in awarding the tournament to Qatar, a… Read more »
THE FAI is to appeal a €5m UEFA fine following last night’s Euro 2020 qualifier which saw Ireland win by more goals than they’re legally allowed to, WWN can confirm. As stipulated in an age-old ruling, the Republic Of Ireland are only permitted to partake in scoreless draws or hard-fought one-nil victories, on top of being allowed to lose by… Read more »
“NO, NOT those long ball fundamentalists again! They’re attacking football atheists,” cried out members of Denmark’s national team after learning that they will play familiar foes Ireland for what must be the 17th time this year alone. Threatening to strangle themselves with with high vis training bibs while a holding football cone to their manager’s… Read more »