Jesus Is Great & All But He Wouldn’t Last A Second Working Retail


NEW RESEARCH has found consensus among Irish retail workers when it comes to their appraisal of Jesus Christ, the Son of God’s ability to endure the sustained abuse from customers retail workers are regularly on the receiving end of.

“Turning water into wine won’t do anything to temper some witch who wants a full refund on a top she bought ten years, has no receipt for, and is from a completely different manufacturer,” offered one retail worker surveyed as part a research project into the modern workplace and infallible sons of Gods.

“40 days and 40 nights in the desert is nothing when compared to having to close and open for work for six days in a row with five part-timers calling in sick,” confirmed another retail worker.

Keen to stress that they wholeheartedly appreciate that he died for their sins on the cross, workers have suggested that Jesus would draw the line at being poorly paid.

“Technically Jesus would be an immigrant and therefore some dickhead of a boss would obviously try to pay him well under the statutory minimum wage, and I’m quite confident that while he might forgive Judas, he’d lose his mind over being lorded over by a final year arts student who was made manager ahead of him,” reasoned one worker.

Similar research also suggested that despite being a divine being Jesus would ‘rage quit’ any position in the Irish health service within his first week.