“Relax, We Only Send Horses That Don’t Make Us Money To The Abattoir”


LOCAL billionaire stud farm owner Patrick James Wagner has broken his silence today following revelations from an RTÉ Investigates programme into the Irish equine industry’s corrupt malpractices when dealing with ‘spent’ racehorses.

“What, do you think we’d spend money on keeping slow, old and useless racehorses – that would cost us a bloody fortune! This is a multi-billion euro industry which uses animals as revenue – we’re not in this to care for horses, we’re in it to make buckets and buckets of money and if the government can keep funding this with 76 mill per year that would be great,” corrected Mr. Wagner, whose friends in political circles are now starting to worry that the day of reckoning has finally come for Ireland’s most precious ‘sporting’ industry.

In last night’s report, abattoir Shannonside Foods Ltd in Straffan was allegedly caught inserting false identification microchips into horses and using spray paint to change the colour markings on horses so they could be legally sent to restaurant plates on the continent, an ongoing taboo for breeders and trainers alike who continue to pretend everything in the industry is kosher.

“God, I always thought they went to a lovely farm to live out the rest of their days with all the other racehorses, kinda like My Little Pony land,” local trainer Brian O’Haden told WWN of 20,000 racehorses which somehow vanished into thin air last year after making their investors millions on the track.

Meanwhile, the Irish greyhound industry has welcomed a break from the spotlight after it too came under the microscope for similar practices.

“It’s a shame no one in France or Italy eats dogs – we’d be sending them to Shannonside Foods to make a quick buck too given the chance,” one local greyhound breeder concluded.