HSE Taken By Surprise By Flu Season For 27th Flu Season In A Row

EXPERTS in recurring patterns were flown into Ireland this week to meet senior members of the HSE in an effort to explain a seemingly predictable spike in influenza that has continued to baffle the Irish health system for decades.

Presenting a timeline covering the past 100 years, specialists revealed a perfectly symmetrical graph showing flu cases peaking every winter, a finding that reportedly astonished officials attending the government-sponsored workshop.

“So the large mountain-shaped wave that appears every winter is the number of flu cases?” one HSE official asked, prompting an exhausted Dr Edgar Reichard, who had travelled from Germany for the meeting, to sigh wearily.

“Yes. Flu cases peak in winter. You need to prepare for it every year,” Dr Reichard replied. “I am genuinely unclear what part of this is confusing.”

Questions quickly followed: “So is that why summertime isn’t as bad?” asked a representative of the Department of Health, as dozens of hands retracted themselves from the air, seemingly armed with the same question.

“Earlier this morning, during the three-hour session, we repeatedly explained that the solution involves adequate staffing, beds and preparation at the same point every year,” another expert interjected, as Dr. Riechard left the workshop to let out an audible scream into the corridor. “This is us repeating that information again, again.”

“So those flu jab things, should we have given those out then?” another official then asked, referring to the recently discontinued rollout of influenza vaccines for pensioners, which had been deemed not cost-effective, prompting the remaining experts to immediately order taxis to the airport without comment.

Help us to continue taking the piss in these trying times by buying yourself something nice in our shop HERE