What Questions Should Irish Politicians Ask Tech Firms About Online Safety?

REPRESENTATIVES FROM a number of social media firms are presently appearing before an Oireacthas Committee discussing online safety. What should our tech literate politicians ask the firms watching our every move and profiting off guiding us towards extreme and divisive content 24/7?

A leaked document seen by WWN reveals a number of pre-written questions by some TDs and Senators that could be asked. Which ones should make the cut?

“We’re either too incapable, lazy or afraid… so would you be so kind as to draw up the framework for how we’ll enforce any online safety measures against you, don’t worry you can go ahead and write the bill, we won’t even spell check it, thanks!”

“How do you remain so handsome, smart and humble while exposing teenagers to extreme content? What is your secret?”

“How come when I write some dog-whistling stuff about immigrants, I only get a few likes on Facebook but when an Independent Ireland candidate who might win my seat at the next election does it, he gets loads of likes? That’s not fair!”

“I’ve fallen in love with your chatbot, my wife knows it’s over between us now. But I just need your permission to take the chatbot’s hand in marriage. Please say yes?”

“Grok won’t let me put my neighbour’s daughter in a bikini anymore but she’s 22, help me out, will ya?”

“No question actually, just keep sending the corporation tax money our way, I couldn’t give a flying monkey on a pogo stick what you’re doing with our data, democracy, any of it”

“I saw a gas video the other day there of a duck and a dog robbing a bank… could that AI?”

“Online safety is so important, which is why we’ve you here today, no, sorry, that’s all I have written down. Must have forgotten the rest.”

“Changing subject now slightly, have you any suggestions for making the housing situation any worse?”