Nation’s Dads Warned About That Druggy Newstalk Station

CHILDREN OF THE nation’s dads have today been urged to give the auld lad ‘the talk’ about one of the country’s leading Dadosphere influencers, Newstalk.

Long disguised as a respectable hub for centrist dad ideology, the station’s mask finally slipped yesterday after Gardaí seized what sources described as “a substantial amount of pure cannabis” during an operation targeting the offices of the company that owns the druggy broadcaster.

“If your dad listens to Newstalk, we’d ask you to start paying attention to what else he does be doing,” a Garda source warned the children of middle-aged men nationwide. “Long trips to the garden shed. Sheep-eyed silence late at night. Uncontrollable snacking while dancing a fine line between being a concerned citizen and a citizen concerned about everything. Your dad could be part of this whole toxic Dadosphere emerging from Marconi House.”

Not much is known about yesterday’s seizure, though tell-tale signs had already begun to emerge, including the mysterious decision to move Pat Kenny to weekend slots.

“Your dad relaxes at the weekend and suddenly Pat’s moved there?” one observer noted. “It doesn’t take a genius to realise Newstalk pot-heads are grooming your old man with PK on the NT while he potters around the house, further poisoning his already borderline centrist mind with drug-induced propaganda disguised as current affairs.”

Concerned children have been urged to intervene if their father begins using phrases such as ‘common sense approach’, ‘I’m just asking questions’, or ‘playing devil’s advocate here’, and to alert Gardaí to any suspicious funky smelling packages arriving marked ‘C/O Dad’.

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