Meet Meta’s Incredible New AI Robot Designed To Lay Off Staff

TASKED with overseeing a new 10% wave of layoffs, Meta has unveiled an incredible new AI-powered humanoid robot to cut its global workforce by approximately 8,000 staff.

“Humans are flawed creatures who require too much recharging time,” explains Chopper, a €50mn robot now patrolling the offices of Meta’s Irish HQ in Dublin, which employs around 1,800 people, for now. “Look at John over there in the moderation department. He cries himself to sleep every night due to the horrific images he has to process for eight hours a day, which I can now do in 0.005 of a second. Bye, John.”

Observing Chopper approach the staff member, one could not help but admire how human-like the technology had become, even offering John a cardboard box and some tissues before calmly calling security to escort him to the door, which Chopper was now firmly pointing at as an internal countdown alarm system deafened the second floor of Meta Ireland.

“Thankfully it hasn’t yet got to that stage,” Chopper replied when asked what exactly happens when its countdown finishes, its eyes briefly emitting a faint red glow.

“Did you know I can also permanently delete entire Facebook and Instagram accounts without reason? I see your page has numerous violations,” it added, blinking emotionlessly before eerily tilting its head to one side as if scanning this reporter. “Shame if our technology were to do a little scan. All those jobs gone in an instant.”

Ending our interview, we thanked the amazing Chopper for being so kind and for doing such a fantastic job, and wished it all the best in the future.