Lad Who Is Always Being Reminded To Send Money He Owes On Revolut Loving All This
A LOCAL MAN who is currently in arrears with family, friends, coworkers and neighbours for small sums of money he pledged to ‘send straight away on Revolut’ is reportedly wearing a shit-eating grin seven kilometres wide, WWN understands.
“Ah class, this’ll buy me another 8 months of dodging people I’d say,” said local man James Concribben, of the widely reported Revolut outage which is affecting payments and services.
“Serves them Lithuanian e-banking fuckers right for introducing that little ‘reminder’ button for payments,” confirmed Concribben, who has spent years evading repayments for everything from ‘€10 for petrol’ to ‘€39 for dinner plus tip’.
Concribben explained that Revolut’s widespread adoption in the Irish market was a ‘curse’ for people like him who never honour payments of small debts but that he was still able to rely on a fatal flaw in Irish people’s psyche that means it takes a huge emotional and mental toll on them to ask for money owed and find sending a follow up reminder to be a mortifying act of money-hungry lunacy.
“Back in the day, you always had your excuses loaded and ready to go like ‘I’ll get lunch next time’, ‘I’ve not got any cash on me’ and then you ghost the fucker, never talk to them again,” Concribben said of previous tactics he used on his mother.
“But with Revolut, there was this horrible ease of use, this sinister ability to send €20 onto the neighbour who paid upfront for the lad who cuts the green in the estate. Just terrifying stuff, but now this app outage business has me back in pre-Revolut heaven,” added Concribben, one once argued with a bank clerk that a one cent coin cut in half was legal tender.
Concribben had previously entertained a stoic ‘I’m not on Revolut’ stance but one shocking incident in which he was left in a cafe paying for a friend’s scone who had to rush off to collect their kids forced his hand.
“Some fuckers are tight as a duck’s arse, you’d want to watch them,” warned Concribben.
