Coalition Would Consider New Public Sector Pay Deal In Exchange For Public Giving Them Encouraging Beeps As They Pass Dáil In Cars

THE COALITION government has indicated it could be open to generous new pay deal terms for public sector workers if passing motorists could just maybe afford them some of the same kind of gentle support and acknowledgement given to striking workers yesterday.

“When I saw those videos of people beeping, and strikers’ stories of being supported and how it lifted them, I thought, well I want a bit of that for me, you know? It’s good for the soul at the end of the day,” offered Taoiseach Micheál Martin, outlining how such an endeavour could work.

Each government TD would take it in shifts to stand in a perspex glass ‘appreciation box’ at the entrance to Leinster House, taking turns to bask in the support offered by passing motorists who would beep as they go by.

“We’re not asking for much, just maybe 10 beeps per TD per day, rising with inflation year on year so by 2030 we’re probably looking at 14 beeps per TD per day, is that too much to ask?” added Minister for Social Protection Jack Chambers.

The coalition said the public’s initial offering of ‘single beep accompanied by stern angry yelling and fist shaking’ would not be ‘workable’ and that a return to negotiations would be necessary.

“They can’t make demands like that,” said one motorist who beeped for workers yesterday, “that’s not how negotiations work. We offer throwing rotten fruit at the perspex glass but they’ve to leave a little hole in it that occasionally let’s a tomato to the face in, and then they return with their offer and we meet in the middle somewhere – negotiating 101”.

UPDATE: The latest offer of ‘a supportive beep from rotten vegetables’ has been rejected by the coalition.