AFTER news that a 17-year-old child was murdered and had his body dismembered as gangland violence reached a barbaric low of incomprehensible sub-human savagery, one concerned local cocaine user expressed hope that horrific murders don’t disrupt his regular weekly supply. “Ah it’s only a bit a coke,” confirmed semi-regular, only when I’m out out cocaine… Read more »
STRATEGISTS at Sinn Féin headquarters have devised a foolproof plan to ensure their party receives the same amount of airplay on RTÉ over the course of the 2020 General Election by dropping snippets of extreme racism, misogyny, right-wing nonsense and outright lies into their rhetoric from now on. Party leader Mary Lou McDonald is not… Read more »
THROUGHOUT the 2020 general election campaign WWN’s vast team of roving reporters will bring all you the latest from around the country as politicians try to sell their uninspired and poorly thought out short-term vision for Ireland: Unveiling their ‘A Future To Look Forward To’ slogan Fine Gael outlined their intention to focus on Ireland’s… Read more »
AA ROADWATCH has added a new ‘crimewatch’ section to its traffic monitoring services, in a bid to cut down on hefty waiting times for commuters around Dublin city centre due to gangland murders and the like. The measures are being taken following complaints about substantial traffic jams caused by gangland shootings, CAB raids, shoot-outs and… Read more »
ELECTION 2020 campaigning is well and truly underway and like a large portion of the public you may be struggling to keep track of all the upstanding members of the public putting themselves forward, vying for your vote. Not sure if your vote should go to the man on the poster on the lamp post… Read more »
ON FOOT of the announcement of a general election on the 8th of February one middle class couple is carefully weighing up their voting options. Stating that issues such as housing, health and growing inequality are so deeply important to them, Dublin couple Sophie and Liam Creeland (both 39) have concluded voting Fine Gael is… Read more »
RUSSIA’S benevolent leader Vladimir Putin has expressed his disinterest in interfering in the upcoming Irish election, despite his obvious interest in destabilising the West. Senior KGB agents, unrivalled in the field of sowing the seeds of discontent in democracies, had recently presented Putin with a 24 inch thick dossier on Ireland with endless recommendations for… Read more »
NORTHERN Ireland has finally welcomed back the NI Executive following a three year hiatus, with politicians and citizens on both sides of the political divide agreeing to smother their true feelings with a blanket knitted from pure solid anger, WWN can confirm. Both Sinn Féin’s Michelle O’Neill and the DUP’s Arlene Foster, the new executive’s… Read more »
REMAINING coy on the exact date for this year’s general election, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar spoke to WWN and helpfully divulged some details which will be of use to the electorate ahead of what experts are calling ‘surely the most disappointing array of politicians’ on record: – Unhappy with the current state of public services? The… Read more »
IT’S been an emotional morning for 33-year-old Waterford native Brendan Whelan, who is finally out standing in the torrential rain and gale force winds of a storm with his actual name on it. “Storm Brendan, a great day for the parish” roared Whelan, leaning at a 45 degree angle into the high winds of the… Read more »
