Category: LOCAL NEWS

3 Ways To Become ‘Known To Gardaí’

THE LIFESPAN of a career criminal is growing ever more brief as the violence that dominates Irish crime means many people’s lives are snuffed out, long before they can make their mark and become properly acquainted with the gardaí. If you were considering pursuing a life in crime, you need not be deterred by the… Read more »

Local Dad Would Love Wrap Of Speed For Father’s Day

WATERFORD dad Martin Drehern has opened up to WWN about his true wish-list for Father’s Day this year, and suffice to say it lies a little to the left of the more traditional socks-and-slippers fair. “I want drugs,” said father-of-three Drehern, with authority. “And I’m not even talking about grown-up, class A drugs that a… Read more »

Are You Getting Enough Plastic In Your Diet?

A STUDY conducted by the World Wildlife Fund has revealed that people could be ingesting an astonishing 5 grams of plastic a week, such is the ubiquity of plastics in our societies. However, those seeking to partake in a balanced diet may be worried their inadvertent consumption of plastics through plastic bottles and shellfish consumption… Read more »

Average Irish Worker Earns Fuck All

NEW figures released by the CSO have confirmed that Irish workers make an average of absolutely fuck all, with almost 90% of the labour force in the country earning an estimated ‘is that fucking it?’ every month. The data also shows a rise of ‘sweet Jesus where did my wages go?’, as well as a… Read more »

Local Mother Caught In ‘Tidy Up This Mess’ Loop

EMERGENCY services were called to the home of a county Waterford family this afternoon where it is believed a 39-year-old mother of three Maggie Tynan became caught in a psychotic loop for several hours, repeatedly asking her children to tidy up their toys and clothes. Arriving on the scene, ambulance crews were met by her panicked children who… Read more »

Rockall: Scotland Launch Tennents Airstrike On Ireland

TENSIONS between Scotland and the Republic Of Ireland have escalated in the past 24 hours following a dawn assault on the east coast of Ireland which saw hundreds of innocent people injured by flying cans of empty Tennents. Inter-country ballistic tinnies rained down on the country as far south as Dundalk this morning, with Ireland having no… Read more »