THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
A NEW research group headed by a team of young Waterford men have published findings centred around the fact that ‘necking’ two ecstasy tablets, could help keep the doctors away and combat the Covid-19 virus. “Dey’d sweat de bastard outa ya, shur,” explained lead researcher of the study Dr. Marko Collins, crudding up a hock… Read more »
CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has rubbished claims that his use of a Mean Girls quote was ‘inappropriate’ in a speech about Coivd-19 restrictions during TDs questions this morning, adamant that the opposition are using anything they can to discredit the amazing work he’s done during the Coronavirus outbreak. “There are many people who aren’t asking… Read more »
FIANNA FÁIL and Fine Gael have taken to the media to outline for the Irish public the horrifying prospect of something called a ‘general election’ if the parties, along with the Greens, fail to ratify the potential coalition’s programme for government. Questions of Seanad appointees, electing a Taoiseach and constitutional crisis aside, the two parties… Read more »
PUB INDUSTRY leaders have pushed for further concessions in how they operate upon reopening and have proposed making up for lost revenue by easing the public back into pub life and allowing for week-long sessions and lock-ins. “We’ll already be feeding them their €9 breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lay a bit of straw on the… Read more »
FAILING TO adequately explain and articulate his feelings, one local man stood by his assertion that the drop in people testing positive for Covid-19 in Ireland had left him ‘a bit sad’, WWN can reveal. “I dunno, I kinda found all the doom and gloom of it, the existential dread it brought on kind of… Read more »
AS THE Green Party were being roundly mocked for having Hulk actor and activist Mark Ruffalo participate in a Zoom call with the party, urging members to back the coalition programme for government, Fianna Fáil members were also busy on Zoom hearing from a famous name in the world of villainy. Worried Fianna Fáil party… Read more »
AS HE AWAITS the members of Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party to vote and rubber stamp entering into a three-way coalition government, Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin is to spend the morning in a trance like state saying ‘Taoiseach Martin’ in a variety of tones and intonations, over and over again. “T’seach… Read more »
AS the primary school year enters its last week of a testing 2020 semester, WWN caught up with some home-schooling parents who believe that the challenges posed by Covid-19 have made them appreciate the efforts their kid’s teachers go through in order to ‘zone out’ in the closing days. “I didn’t even smoke at the… Read more »
WITH a fresh acceleration of the reopening of Ireland including hairdressers, pubs and gyms, Ireland is perfectly poised to the lose the run of itself as it goes completely overboard, WWN has learned. If early indications of people sharing their June 29th plans are anything to go by, June 29th will pack the excitement and… Read more »
