Category: LOCAL NEWS

Green Party Leader Calls For Cars Made From Bees

GREEN party leader Eamon Ryan has called on the government to implement new laws which will force manufacturers to make cars out of living bees, WWN has learned. Ryan said bee cars will be the new wave of environmentally friendly motor vehicles and will also help promote pollination across the country. “Their wings will help propel the… Read more »

Criminals Come Out To Distance Themselves From Corrupt Councils, Developers

DUBLIN based career criminals have come out in force today to defend their good name and distance themselves from accusations that they accepted payments from ‘corrupt’ city councils and developers to protect sites from anti-social behaviour and theft. “I couldn’t sleep a wink last night after I heard what they were saying about us,” said Dublin criminal… Read more »

How Many Energy Drinks Should A Journalist Drink Before They Write A Headline Because We Think We May Have Overdone It Oh God Oh Jesus Christ We Can Hear The Surface Of The Sun

REPORTS that some energy drinks could contain as many as 17 spoons of sugar and twice the caffeine of an espresso have been confirmed by the staff of Waterford Whispers News after a taste-testing session that left the entire writing staff wired for the better part of an entire day and do you know what, it… Read more »

Government Deny Collecting Poor People’s Tears To Use As Lubrication In Post-Budget Orgy

THE FINE GAEL led minority government has fiercely denied claims that they have been hurriedly collecting the tears of poor people/low income workers resulting from their unveiling of Budget 2020 with the intention of using them for lubrication as part of the traditional and well earned post-budget orgy. “Shit, we’ve been rumbled,” screamed now panicked… Read more »

Amazing! This Man’s Whiplash Was Totally Cured Seconds After He Received Compensation

DOCTORS who had been treating a 46-year-old Waterford man for severe neck injuries have today called his miraculous recovery “a miracle”, after his whiplash suddenly disappeared within seconds of him receiving an €18,000 compensation claim. Following two years of excruciating pain which left him unable to seek work, unemployed father of 9 Mark Nagle said he… Read more »