WELCOME to How I Spend My Money, a totally original series on WWN that looks at what people in Ireland really do with their hard-earned cash. This week we chat to Dublin developer Martin Dunne who lives in a modest €5mn home in South Dublin and relying on government handouts to survive while struggling in… Read more »
LANDLORDS suffering from a spate of spontaneous erections this week are being warned of further rises after new research found a link between rising inflation rates and their throbbing members, WWN can report. Hundreds of property owners across the country have been admitted to hospital with what is believed to be thrombosis of the dorsal… Read more »
THE IRISH property market is reeling from an An Post error which has seen one rural Irish house given a Dublin Eircode, sparking panic and delight in equal measure in property industry circles. “I’m sorry I know it’s a converted cow on a flood plane built on a secret nuclear weapon testing site, but its… Read more »
IRISH insurance companies have claimed they are edging closer to winning the war on craic after yet another adventure centre has had to close its doors thanks to yet another extortionate quote, forcing the business out of the market. “Children’s playgrounds, adventure parks, leisure centres; basically, anything that involves even the slightest bit of craic… Read more »
DESPITE entertainment for children making huge strides in recent decades, Irish teachers have confirmed ferrying kids into a bus for drive up to a church to see the disembodied decaying head of a saint is still the best school tour Ireland has to offer. “I don’t even look at Oliver Plunkett’s head anymore, I just… Read more »
A STAGGERING 304 bar staff members have been publicly executed in Ireland so far this year after they were found to have destroyed thousands of innocent pints since the reopening of pubs. As stipulated in the Irish constitution, bar men and women will be publicly shot outside their pub of practice for a wide range… Read more »
IN ADDITION to exhuming the remains of ‘Baby John’ the murdered baby at the centre of the Kerry Babies case, Gardaí have also uncovered remains of Ireland’s women-hating past, which will come as a shock to everyone. Carbon dating reveals that the remains of the virulently misogynistic past dates back to the 1800s and had… Read more »
THERE were tearful scenes as TDs’ parents dropped them off at the gates of Leinster House for their first day back at the Dáil, while elsewhere panicked Dáil bar staff feared they wouldn’t have enough stock to see them through the day. Traffic was backed up for miles surrounding Merrion Square as Guinness trucks lined… Read more »
SPEAKING recently in an interview which presumably made no mention of tribunal findings or allegations of corruption, Bertie Ahern refused to rule of running for president in 2025 sparking concern for his mental faculties and ability to read the room. So, who would vote for instead of him?
HAVING decided that keeping schools safe from Covid-19 is too much hassle, the government has advised parents to form a WhatsApp group where they can keep in touch with each other and find out why half their kid’s class wasn’t at their desks today. “We were going to keep up the whole ‘close contacts’, ’14… Read more »
