WITH growing evidence and acceptance among Covid experts that the Omicron variant which was present in Europe, US and elsewhere before it was detected and reported by South Africa only results in mild cases of the virus, some sections of the media confessed to feeling deflated. “So it doesn’t eat your flesh from the inside… Read more »
PEOPLE arriving to Ireland from this weekend will have to present a negative Covid test on arrival, unless they know someone who works in the airport or just have ‘an honest look about them’. The scheme will irritate some travellers who have paid through the nose for a test up the nose, but will be… Read more »
THE fiftieth consecutive Lotto jackpot rollover has forced the National Lottery to change its slogan from ‘it could be you’ to ‘it statistically won’t be you’ in order to comply with advertising standards. Although Lotto officials insist that you’re as likely to win the windfall as ever, statisticians have confirmed that the average Irish person… Read more »
“YOU HAVE me head wrecked Tony Holohan,” shouted an irate Sandra Carmody, gin escaping her glass as she gesticulated wildly and demanded clarification on impending NPHET recommendations to government ahead of the Christmas sessioning season. Storming a National Public Health Emergency Team meeting Carmody, at the end of her tether, sought clarification on fate of… Read more »
FIANNA FÁIL has sought to temper expectations after revelations surrounding the party’s fundraising efforts, which saw the party register as a charity, thus allowing it to run a €600k lotto. “To be clear, at no time was it our intention to mislead the public into thinking we were planning on bettering the lives of homeless… Read more »
THAT’S RIGHT, according the government spin unit who have no dog in the fight, Mica affected families are behind a plot for the Irish lotto jackpot never being won again. “We know not their motivation, just that you should get increasingly angry at them and ignore their well reasoned arguments for why our updated redress… Read more »
GOVERNMENT recommendations that all children aged 9 and over should wear face-masks in class has given parents just one more thing to yell about when everyone is running late, which is marvelous. Following advice from experts who clearly have no school-aged children, the government implemented the scheme until February at least, meaning it will be… Read more »
COMPLICATIONS arising from covid combined with the natural challenges of Christmas have lead Waterford man Patrick McFallon to state that he sees no way around getting from today until the New Year without a stash of at least 190 cans of beer, WWN can report. Although McFallon normally buys a maximum of 5 to 6… Read more »
WITH the taxpayer on the hook for the improved €2.2bn Mica redress scheme which remains utterly deaf to the concerns of the homeowners affected, WWN can confirm that those involved in acquiring and supplying the defective blocks have had another flawless night of uninterrupted sleep. “None of that mindfulness app whale ‘sounds of the sea’… Read more »
TWO neighbours with long standing grudges against one another have set aside the pettiness vitriol and decided to bond over what a massive dose the new fella who moved into no.33 is, WWN can reveal. John Chambers and Alan Rennals had avoided talking to each other for much of the past decade over to a… Read more »
