Taoiseach To Take Day Off To Research If He’s Related To Kamala Harris

WITH NO PRESSING issues bubbling up in Ireland presently, Taoiseach Simon Harris has taken the day off to research his family tree in the hopes he is distantly related to presumptive Democrat nominee for the US presidency, Kamala Harris.

“Could you imagine the TikTok stitch between me and cousin Kamala?” an excited Harris said as he swabbed the inside of his mouth as part of an online ancestry DNA kit.

“The likes would be insane, how could it not go viral?” added the Fine Gael leader, seemingly unaware the dislikes from criminal elements amongst anti-immigrant protests are going viral.

Despite aides insisting the Taoiseach needs to get a handle on a number of emergent crises, the Wicklow TD would not be torn away from his family tree fascination.

“Think of the optics!” added Harris as he failed to think about the optics of a coalition government more interested in raising the threshold at which people pay tax on inheritance than showing an interest in disadvantaged communities.

“If she wins she’ll be seen as a great unifier, just like I’m viewed now,” offered Harris as he researched the Jamaican-American Harris lineage, seemingly unaware that small groups of racists been given free reign in Ireland to cause havoc when and where they see fit.

Growing irritated by the interruptions from staff mentioning something about ‘another fire’, Harris insisted he was only to be disturbed for truly important news.

“Only come into this office if you have some meme for me to post which somehow blames Sinn Féin for all this,” concluded Harris.