Gardaí Promise To Eventually Crack Not Letting People Onto Premises To Set It On Fire

THE NATION’S police service has confirmed that it believes it is close to mastering the art of securing and protecting a premises, following five consecutive days of arsonists setting fire to a site which is to be converted into accommodation for asylum seekers.

“We’ve just Googled what a ‘cordon’ means, there’s got to be a Youtube tutorial online somewhere too,” explained one garda before sellotaping a ‘please don’t arson back in 15 minutes’ sign on an open gate at the former Crown Paints factory in Coolock and heading off for lunch.

Yet another high-profile instance which has laid bare the ill-equipped nature of a skeleton staff police force has lead some people to point the finger at senior gardaí and the Department of Justice.

“It’s not fair to criticise Drew Harris, he’s only had 8 months since the Dublin City riot to get his officers helmets, how was he to know police need things like riot helmets?” said one security expert.

Appeals have been made for violent anti-immigrant thugs to better liaise with gardaí on the ground before launching their next violent crime-committing spree.

“If it’s not Coolock, it’s Dundalk, or it’s Tipperary, we’re stretched as it is lads. If you protest or argy-bargy in more than one location at a time we don’t have the resources to stop you,” pleaded one garda.

“Our prisons are full, our police force understaffed, under-resourced and overworked so could you please just stop,” added Minister for Justice Helen McEntee in a forceful statement which is sure to reassure the Irish public.