Parents Unwilling To Elaborate On Revelation ‘You Briefly Went Missing’ That One Time

“AH IT WAS a whole lot of bother over a whole lot of nothing,” offered your mother, failing to detail the circumstances around ‘that time you went missing’ when were ‘either 6 or 7 or 17, Jesus, you expect me to remember everything’.

Chiming in to provide no further clarity your father entered the kitchen to report that “you gave us an awful fright, police were called and everything”.

Failing to colour in any additional details such as the time, place, location and duration of the ‘missing’ incident, your parents have now turned extremely defensive at your polite inquiries, failing to understand your sudden interest in the news you were briefly listed as a missing person.

“Oh my god, you’d swear you were the only child to go missing the way you’re going on,” confirmed your mother, before listing off several missing children who never returned home as a way of highlighting ‘you’ve nothing to be complaining about’.

It is believed as many as 5 in every 5 Irish children are casually in adulthood of a shady and concerning nugget of family lore by their parents who subsequently refuse to elaborate.

“I’m getting a DNA test just to make sure they didn’t kidnap me, they’re down playing the missing thing too much. Obviously I’d be devastated if this takes a sinister turn but at least I’d get a Netflix true crime documentary out of it,” you later confirmed.