Children’s Health Ireland To Be Placed Under Control Of Scandal Free Time Management Specialists, The HSE

IN AN EFFORT to bring an end to poor governance, lengthy waiting lists, botched surgeries and rogue action by staff, Children’s Health Ireland is to be brought under the auspices of the HSE, WWN can reveal in what is not believed to be a poorly cobbled together joke.

“The days of missed deadlines and no accountability are over,” confirmed a spokesperson for Minister for Health Jennifer Carroll MacNeill, as she announced CHI would be integrated into a state body that specialises in those same things.

“We spent €3mn on toxic hand santiser, spent over €1bn in procurement that wasn’t sanctioned by the government and can’t account for what it was spent on, pay contracting companies double the rate it would cost us to just hire staff ourselves, lose court cases we take against whistleblowers and you have the temerity to question if we’re the right people to run the CHI?” countered the HSE.

Those with a working knowledge of the HSE have confirmed that whatever the CHI covers in terms of healthcare is now automatically understaffed, overworked and at risk of intimidation if anyone thinks about speaking up.

Elsewhere, news that HSE would also take over the running of the National Children’s Hospital could see the building’s final construction cost could rise so high it is one of those numbers that sounds made up, like quattuordecillion.

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