‘A LITTLE privacy when going to the toilet’ has topped the list of what dogs would like the most from the owners, with 78% of pooches polled stating that being watched while squatting for a poop ‘doesn’t make it come any faster, buddy’ in a ground-breaking new report published today. Other elements of human companionship… Read more »
A CAMPUS WIDE email has been issued by the Student Union warning students attending UCD next year to avoid Isolde Hegarty O’Dowd as the 2nd year arts student revealed she would be spending her summer in India, WWN can reveal. “She may claim she’s going over there to self-actualise on a yoga pilgrimage but really… Read more »
A MAJOR undertaking on a scale never before witnessed throughout the course of human history is currently unfolding at 44 Glenmare Court, Waterford. Burning as many as 11 calories during his half-arsed minutes-long attempts at cleaning the house Alan Kearnans is that rare beast; a man with a slavish devotion to keeping a tidy house…. Read more »
THINK you have problems? Count yourself lucky that you aren’t 43-year-old Waterford man Phil MacLoone, who earlier today received a chilling text from one of his pals hinting at a possible piss-up in the pair’s near future. “Once you pass 40, you’d rather get a letter from Revenue saying there’s some irregularities with your accounts… Read more »
DANCING to music that wasn’t playing and smoking an imagined cigarette no one gave him, 19-year-old sessioner Niall Clatten is being urged to ‘take it easy’ by concerned friends. “This is the thing, you can take the partying when you’re younger. The body’s a curious thing – it recovers,” said Clatten with a voice of… Read more »
WHAT WAS proving to be a nice evening with friends and a few pints has taken a turn for the worse now local man Aaron Gannigan is once again, unprompted, divulging stories which explain the high volume of tattoos he has gotten over the years. “And this one is a special one it’s for John,… Read more »
COMPARTMENTALISING the last week of morning commutes, local man Gerry Hughs unwillingly sets out for yet another game of ‘road works roulette’, a game he has absolutely no interest in apart from its duration. “I’ll try this ring road; hopefully the new pedestrian crossing is… ah balls,” Hughs shouted at his windscreen, realising that yes,… Read more »
AFTER years of gentle pleading local man Liam Stanton has finally given into his wife on the occasion of her 69th birthday and granted her a ‘hall pass’, meaning she is free to pursue a one-off no holes barred affair. “Maura has been at me for years to book her a strapping young lad, she… Read more »
BURGLARY gangs around Ireland are finally getting back to pre-Covid levels, which for them means working in the homes that people, who were working from home in, are no longer working in. “It was rough there for the last few years, everyone was at home leaving very little scope for us to dodge in and… Read more »
AS PEOPLE return to normal working hours and routines following the pandemic, so too do they return to hectic evenings of trying to get a dinner on the table for the family that everyone will love and appreciate. But rather than stress about beating rush hour traffic home to have more time to make a… Read more »
