“Did I Wake You?” Mother On Phone Asks At 3pm

DESPITE her daughter being up since 8am to get the children to school before then starting a full days work at 9, local grandmother Doreen Hegarty relentlessly called her eldest in the hopes for a quick 60 minute chat, WWN has learned. Frantically calling her daughter for the 7th consecutive time in a row, the… Read more »

Parents Not Even Slightly Missing Kids One Bit

AN ANTICIPATED wave of sorrow, fear and regret over sending children back to school after almost 7 months at home has failed to manifest this week with the majority of parents instead overcome with relief, relaxation and in some cases, fun. “I thought I’d be devastated not having the kids by my side all day… Read more »

Human Rights Court Finally Bans Burpees

FIT people and sort-of fit people alike shared tears of joy outside the Court Of Human Rights in Strasbourg today, after a landmark ruling which outlawed the notorious ‘burpee’ exercise after decades of misery and sore arses. The court took less than ten minutes to declare the half-squat, half-plank exercise to be a gross incursion… Read more »

Hogan Calls For Nation To Apologise

A VISIBLY frustrated Phil Hogan has expressed his disappointment in the Irish people who have yet to formally apologise for ruining what was otherwise a very pleasant visit to Ireland and a real stomper of a night out with the lads at last week’s golf dinner in Galway. “I’m too busy getting ready to save… Read more »

Local Father Terrified Of Teenage Daughters

CONSTANTLY fearing he’ll be drawn into a complex argument about what it means to be a woman in today’s world, father-of-three teenage girls Rory Donald remains in a state of constant fear, like a hostage in his own home. “I’ll be using a disposal razor to shave and I’ll get a lecture on the Pink… Read more »