INTERVIEWING Carl Hughes isn’t easy, but after months of discussions with the Department of Justice and senior garda figures, WWN was allowed access to the unrepentant psychopath. Hughes might not be the only psychopath walking among the Irish population, but he is the most notorious. “D’you expect me to apologise or something?” Hughes sneered from… Read more »
OVERSIZED hoodies, blankets, flannels, hot chocolates, and woolly socks baring the unmistakable Christmas selburose pattern are set to be the only things you see your girlfriend in, near or with this winter as her hibernation mode has fully kicked in. “I will be remaining adorably cute for the coming months, those expecting sexy will have… Read more »
A COMPLETE loser looking to for pay for their goods with grubby old cash has rightly been told to wait in line while customers from the 21st century go ahead of him to use the card only self-service till, WWN has learned. Standing with his shopping and wallet in hand like an absolute philistine, Cormac… Read more »
“WE took a survey and people said they didn’t like them” has been cited by Mars Wrigley as the reason why tubs of Celebrations this year will not feature miniature Bounty bars, but insiders have leaked a much more believable explanation. “We went to a meeting of all the chocolate distributors and at the end… Read more »
AN IMMEDIATE recall of an anti-aging skin creme has been ordered by authorities in Europe after the product proved to be far too potent, WWN can reveal. The family of 60-year-old French woman Isabel du Pont are suing L’Oreal cosmetics after their rejuvenating anti-aging moisturiser reduced Mrs Du Pont to a toddler overnight. “Yes it… Read more »
ASTOUNDED he hasn’t had to light the fire in his home so far this side of 2022, local man Karl Riordan has made it his business to let everyone know this trivial fact by crowbarring his unlit fire into every single conversation. “Normally it would be roaring this time of year,” Riordan pointed out to… Read more »
“HOW can the same thing keep happening to the same guy at the same time every single month?” moaned Waterford man Derek Campbell, who is having his usual end-of-the-month stare at the gap between his payslip and his bills this morning. Campbell, 30, was unable to explain how his finances were in such dire strait… Read more »
LOCAL MAN Eamon Kilty’s patience is well and truly worn thinner than supermarket own brand loo roll as he is forced yet again to field a request from his parents to partake in a family meal at home. “Absolute ball ache,” confirmed Kilty as he faced the prospect of being loved to such an extent… Read more »
A DRACONIAN LAW from a bygone era has now been consigned to the dust bin of history and in the process thousands of women around the globe have rejoiced and convened in joyous and ecstatic celebrations. “I never thought this day would come but I’m free,” explained 59-year-old Margaret Cummings, as she took a ruler… Read more »
