LOCAL WOMAN Caroline Balton prides herself on her hands-off non-judgemental acceptance of everyone and the world around them with the one caveat that she reserves the right to make them the subject of the most excoriating and toxic gossip and judgement anyone can muster. “You know what I say each to their own, Margaret, it’s… Read more »
THE death of Mystic Meg has hit the astrology community hard, no more so than in rural Ireland where tarot card readings and fortune telling remains one of the most common pastimes among boggers of all ages. No-one quite knows when or why culchies latched on to fortune telling, but it remains the second-most popular… Read more »
TAKEAWAY lovers across Ireland are being urged to hold their spicebags close to their heart this weekend, after hearing the story of how one Waterford family made the tragic mistake of ‘trying that new place up the road’. The Carroll family, who have ordered from the same Chinese on a Friday night for the last… Read more »
“FOR fuck sake John, no one wants to see a video of someone getting minced by a metro train at 2 o’clock in the morning, it’s just not right,” Mark Rice told his long-time friend John Clear during a special sitting of the WhatsApp Group ‘The Lads’ in Regan’s Bar, Waterford. “Yeah, John, I was… Read more »
CURSING the app for yet again cutting the sides off his latest text heavy future prediction Tik Tok, time traveler Toby Trent longed for his home era, wondering ‘how in the name of fuck’ he ended up like this. “Go back to 2023, they said. You’ll change the world, they said. Yet here I am… Read more »
LOCAL new father and misogynist Cormac Balratton has spoken on his happiness at taking on his first ever apprentice and describes the task of training up his apprentice in the ways of sexism as ‘daunting but an honour’. “It’ll just be the basics to begin with,” confirmed Balratton who will oversee an apprenticeship of a… Read more »
There are many things that play a part in getting pregnant: drunken, unprotected sex with your partner, immaculate penetration from God and now, apparently, your man’s name! WWN decided to take a look at the average age a woman gives birth for the first time, and found it’s roughly around 28-29 years old. Looking back… Read more »
ECLIPSING the birth of Jesus as the most astonishing Christmas miracle ever visited upon humanity, local mother Shona Kelly has been granted five minutes of unbroken peace and quiet. Having endured endless tugs on her sleeves from her children, ceaseless inquiries from her husband about when food would be ready and overbearing suggestions and instructions… Read more »
FROM ham to wine, local man Keith Cronin argues adamantly that once you open something over the Christmas period, it must be finished in a single sitting regardless of hunger, desire, or work in the morning. “Sure there’s only 7/8ths of a bottle left of that wine, it’s not worth your while corking it again,”… Read more »
