“Right, Rush Hour! Time To Move My Entire Herd Of Cows Across The Road” Decides Farmer

REALISING it’s 8:40am on a weekday, local farmer Paddy Walsh almost forgot to delay commuters for twenty minutes on their way to work this morning.

“Timing is essential; if I’m even just 20 minutes late everyone will be on time for work,” says Walsh, who religiously halts convoys of cars, trucks and motorcycles on the daily out of sheer spite.

“The cows actually don’t even need to cross – the sounds of beeping horns and revving engines just soothes me, you know? It’s a form of mindfulness for me really. Ommmm,” Walsh added.

Making sure to take as much time as possible to transfer his herd from one side of the road to the other, Walsh laughed as several cows went the wrong way down the road bumping off several vehicles along the way, adding more time to the crossing as his sons tried to chase them back with black plastic pipes.

“Aw that’s a shame now, isn’t it?” the cantankerous 57-year-old empathised, “so many shiny clean cars waiting to drive through all this freshly laid cow dung – I think I’ll move them all back at 5pm when it gets busy again”.

Not yet entirely chuffed with himself, the farmer headed out for a nice slow spin on the main road in his 1997 John Deere.