Author: Colm Williamson

Michael Healy-Rae Calls For Drunken Assaults To Be Made Legal

INDEPENDENT TD Michael Healy-Rae has called on the government to reexamine laws on drunken assaults, stating that current laws are “draconian” and “biased against rural Ireland” after two of his adult children were found guilty of assaulting a man this week. Kevin Healy-Rae, 22, along with his brother Kerry County Councillor Jackie Healy-Rae, 23, had… Read more »

Remove The Stress Of Living In Dublin By Not Living In Dublin

ARE you constantly stressed out from long commutes, traffic jams, crowded public transport, road tolls, expensive bars and restaurants, extortionate rents and house prices, lads with ronnies bumming smokes, that God awful accent, the stink from the Liffey, locals gloating about winning the All Ireland Football, Pat Kenny’s face, the Spire, suicidal cyclists and the… Read more »

“But I Still Get Paid, Right?”

“So I step down from whatever it is I’m meant to be doing, but I still get paid?” Prince Andrew asked the Queen, frantically checking his bank account balance on his £12,000 gold-plated Apple watch, “like, I can still keep all this money and piss off to Thailand… Ma’am?” With the reality of his situation… Read more »

Maria Bailey Reinstated After Calling Migrants Scum

A DRAMATIC u-turn from the Fine Gael party has seen TD Maria Bailey, recently deselected from the party’s Dun Laoghaire election ticket, suddenly reinstated after making derogatory comments against migrants, travellers and whatever ethnic minority the party felt deserved it, in a bid to appease senior party officials. “I just said fuck it, I’ll go… Read more »

Beyoncé Set To Perform At Trump Impeachment Halftime Show

IN A desperate bid to garner interest from the lethargic American public, officials involved in the Trump impeachment proceedings have announced that Beyoncé Knowles will perform at today’s Superbowl-styled halftime show, along with an array of supporting acts, WWN can confirm. Citing poor concentration skills and general apathy among American voters, it was decided entertainment… Read more »