HOLDING up a long stream of traffic and travelling at a painful 34 kilometers per hour, local farmer Danny Rice is expected to finally arrive back at the farm later this afternoon after leaving protests in Dublin city on Wednesday. “Jaysis, they’re in an awful rush around here,” Rice barked at a passing BMW that… Read more »
WITH the cost of the Leinster House printer now reaching the €1.8 million mark, the government has reluctantly admitted that in a rare misstep it may have needlessly overspent, before warning taxpayers that if they thought the printer was expensive, wait until they hear the cost of the cartridges. “Like most printers, the ink is… Read more »
BEEF FARMERS currently protesting in Dublin City centre for the past two days have been politely asked if they could give the government a hand moving a very large printer in Leinster House, while they’re hanging about with their tractors outside and doing nothing. Making the most out of a bad situation, Minister for Agriculture… Read more »
INDEPENDENT TD Michael Healy-Rae has called on the government to reexamine laws on drunken assaults, stating that current laws are “draconian” and “biased against rural Ireland” after two of his adult children were found guilty of assaulting a man this week. Kevin Healy-Rae, 22, along with his brother Kerry County Councillor Jackie Healy-Rae, 23, had… Read more »
ARE you constantly stressed out from long commutes, traffic jams, crowded public transport, road tolls, expensive bars and restaurants, extortionate rents and house prices, lads with ronnies bumming smokes, that God awful accent, the stink from the Liffey, locals gloating about winning the All Ireland Football, Pat Kenny’s face, the Spire, suicidal cyclists and the… Read more »
“So I step down from whatever it is I’m meant to be doing, but I still get paid?” Prince Andrew asked the Queen, frantically checking his bank account balance on his £12,000 gold-plated Apple watch, “like, I can still keep all this money and piss off to Thailand… Ma’am?” With the reality of his situation… Read more »
A DRAMATIC u-turn from the Fine Gael party has seen TD Maria Bailey, recently deselected from the party’s Dun Laoghaire election ticket, suddenly reinstated after making derogatory comments against migrants, travellers and whatever ethnic minority the party felt deserved it, in a bid to appease senior party officials. “I just said fuck it, I’ll go… Read more »
IN A desperate bid to garner interest from the lethargic American public, officials involved in the Trump impeachment proceedings have announced that Beyoncé Knowles will perform at today’s Superbowl-styled halftime show, along with an array of supporting acts, WWN can confirm. Citing poor concentration skills and general apathy among American voters, it was decided entertainment… Read more »
STAFF and punters at O’Donnell’s bar in Waterford were said to be at odds over an ongoing queue of sniffling men in the toilets, who appeared to be regularly taking turns using the one and only cubicle in the men’s jacks, WWN has learned. Performing a routine check on the toilet, barman Derek Joy said… Read more »
INDEPENDENT TD Noel Grealish spent last night in hospital after dragging his knuckles so hard along the ground for the past 53 years he had to have an emergency skin graft operation to save his shredded hands. “There was nothing but bone and tendons left when he was admitted, indicating the patient had been dragging… Read more »