“You’re Not 20 Anymore”: HSE Issue Drinking Warning For Middle Aged Men Ahead Of Oasis Gigs

AN URGENT health warning has been issued by the HSE ahead of the Oasis gigs in Dublin this coming weekend, warning middle-aged men about their planned intake of alcohol.

“Did you come of age in the 90s? Are you planning on fitting a decade’s worth of nostalgic debauchery into one evening’s drinking before the Oasis gig? Well, cop the fuck on you’re not 20 anymore, your liver will explode on impact of your 4th shot of the afternoon,” read a HSE statement.

Flyers will be handed out and posters dotted around the capital city in anticipation and considerable dread at the hordes of men heading to the Gallagher brothers’ gigs.

“If the top half of your body is shaped like a lowercase ‘b’, you might want to sit this one out. You don’t want your Rip.ie listing to say ‘died trying to climb up on a mate’s shoulders during Don’t Look Back In Anger’ do you?” added the HSE.

A separate warning has been issued advising men in their 40s that attempt to adopt an exaggerated Liam Gallagher walk will result in dislocated shoulders which A&E departments will refuse to treat.

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