Native American Excitement Short-Lived After Talks Of Stolen Property Being Returned To Indians

NATIVE American Gerald Runningwater said he had spent the better part of Wednesday evening in a state of optimism after hearing rumours calling for stolen property to be returned to Indians.

“I heard ‘stolen property’ and I heard ‘Indians’ and for just a moment there I thought, this is it. This is the one we’ve been waiting for,” he told WWN.

New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani had called on Britain’s King Charles to return the Koh-i-Noor Diamond during the monarch’s ongoing US visit. The Koh-i-Noor is a 105-carat stone currently in the possession of the British Crown, having been acquired during Britain’s occupation of India in a manner historians describe as ‘taking it.’

“The same people calling on Britain to give back the diamond are standing on land that belonged to my ancestors,” Gerald said.

“Hey look, the man is of Indian descent, albeit the other Indians. I’m just saying – while we’re on the subject of returning things that don’t belong to you,” before adding, “And if the King of England should be returning anything, it’s the six counties back to Ireland. Just sayin’.”