Everything You Need To Know About Hantavirus
WITH the cruise ship MV Hondius experiencing an outbreak of hantavirus, many people are seeking more information on the virus which has resulted in the death of three passengers who boarded the Dutch vessel, which is now currently headed for the Canary Islands.
Here’s everything you need to know:
Hantavirus belongs to the family of Orthohantavirus.
‘Not now Hantavirus, Christ almighty can’t you see we’re busy here’ – the most repeated refrain by humans when first hearing of the latest outbreak.
The least welcome thing on a ship since Billy Zane in Titanic.
Named after Hanta Min-jun, an old school bully of the man who discovered Hantavirus in 1978, Dr Ho Wang Lee. “Fuck that guy, now everyone associates his name with rat piss,” Dr Wang Lee reportedly said.
Docking in Canary Islands, Hantavirus is still some way off from the most toxic thing on the islands when drunk English tourists are factored into the mix.
Can be transmitted by rats via their faeces, urine, saliva, and blood, meaning your ex is one to avoid.
Not to be confused with Banta-virus, the late 2000s outbreak of lad humour which solely consisted of shouting The Inbetweeners quotes.
If contracting Hantavirus wasn’t enough, sufferers have to contend with annoying questions from friends and family like ‘wait, did you eat rat faeces?’
A full blown case of hantavirus pulmonary syndrome can carry at 50% fatality rate, so maybe quit it with the jokes wise guy, huh?
A warning has been issued telling the public to expect a number of veterans of the great Covid Pandemic Comment Section Wars to come out of retirement.
Not yet widespread enough to cause a return of those ‘the army is shutting down the country at 7am, mate’s a solider so it’s true,’ forwarded messages on WhatsApp.
It’s perfectly okay to experience full blown PTSD when seeing the phrase ‘contact tracing’ crop up again.
While spread by rats, the most common spreader of hantavirus is deer mice, which we’re just going to go ahead and imagine are horrifying, deer-sized mice.