Quality Of Call Ruined By ‘Quality Of Call’ Question

JUST AS everything had gone perfectly and she was about to slip her phone back into her handbag, Janice Catherine O’Shea-Hollihan’s flawless call was absolutely destroyed for reasons yet unknown.

Speaking to WWN, the 37-year-old daughter of two recalled the moment in harrowing detail.

“It had all the hallmarks of a great call. One of those pinnacle moments in female digital conversation. A marvel of modern communication technology,” she explained. “But then, out of nowhere. A pop up on-screen prompt.”

What had been a cheery chat with a longtime friend about organic decaffeinated coffee powder sourced from a small Dublin health food shop quickly spiralled into a paralysing existential dilemma when the app used to carry call asked O’Shea-Hollihan to rate the quality of the call.

“Did they mean the quality of our conversation?” she asked, “or the actual communication system at hand?”

Clearly still processing the trauma, O’Shea-Hollihan elaborated.

“If it was the latter, then yes – five stars for the technology’s ability to digitally transport my voice using sophisticated microphone and speaker hardware and transmit it across a complex, partly wireless, partly wired transcontinental network,” she said.

“But that question itself ruins the quality of the call. The joy is now gone as I sit here having to judge and make a decision. What was once a seamless human exchange is now tarnished by an unwanted survey which could no doubt be carried out on a yearly basis via one single timely text instead of a post-call interrogation.”

It is understood Janice is still staring at the screen, unable to select a rating without overthinking it.