Fifth Fight Of The Night Breaks Out In Stoneybatter Pub Over Whether Fontaines D.C Have Sold Out

A DUBLIN pub has had to hire extra security on its premises after an increase in fights between nostalgic, indie sleaze adoring patrons who get into arguments over the merits of Fontaines D.C.

“Disagreements in a pub are par for the course but it’s gotten out of hand, just tonight there’s been five fights,” explained pub owner John Fenton.

Fenton was then interrupted by a fresh disturbance over his shoulder.

“It was over for them when they signed with Xl, same fecking label as Adele for Christ sake!” one agitated music purist shouted as he was held back by friends, prevented from throwing punches at another man who said he didn’t think the more accessible sound heard on Romance meant the band had ‘sold out’.

Two burly bouncers descended on the scene before the men could argue about how a War Child album appearance is conclusive proof you’re ‘doing a Bono’.

While Fenton has appealed for help from local Gardaí, others have told this is just the price of running in a pub in such an area.

“It’s more my staff I worry about; the impact having to listen to arseholes opine over b-sides and production choices, and pretend to have been there at the band’s first gig – the fragile human mind can only take so much, I’ve a duty of care to make work bearable for my staff” added Fenton, who has erected several ‘No Fontaines Chat’ around his pub.

“Things like this can ruin a good pub, a year ago we didn’t have any of this, now I have girls pulling each other’s hair out in the toilets over which CMAT lyric proves she’s the Second Coming, I’m thinking of pretending we’re a Whetherspoons so I can weed all this stuff out of the place,” concluded Fenton.

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