MINISTER For Health Simon Harris and Minister For Housing Eoghan Murphy are said to be skipping around Leinster House in jubilation today, after seemingly cracking both of their troublesome, scandal-ridden briefs with one simple brainwave. Murphy, facing down the barrel of a vote of no confidence due to the ever-escalating housing crisis, assembled his fellow… Read more »
SUPPORTERS who complained of football becoming predictably boring and boringly predictable could always rely on the one saving grace the sport had, Dublin manager Jim Gavin’s electrifying persona in media interviews, but now GAA is set to truly become a joyless and dull charisma free zone in his absence. While some counties are celebrating the… Read more »
SENIOR FINE GAEL party figures are looking into completely overhauling their candidate selection process which currently sees them only consider endorsing ignorant fools and backing them to the hilt no matter what. However, some sitting TDs, including the Taoiseach, want guarantees such an about turn in strategy doesn’t result in their being cut out or… Read more »
HOLDING up a long stream of traffic and travelling at a painful 34 kilometers per hour, local farmer Danny Rice is expected to finally arrive back at the farm later this afternoon after leaving protests in Dublin city on Wednesday. “Jaysis, they’re in an awful rush around here,” Rice barked at a passing BMW that… Read more »
IN AN earnest attempt to acknowledge that falsely inflating listenership figures of sponsored content via ‘click farms’ is wrong, the qualified banter engineers over at Joe.ie have produced a HILARIOUS bobble head video set to copyrighted music and copyrighted video footage to convey how seriously they are treating the matter. ‘Click farm’ is the term… Read more »
“MORE GLITTER! No, more than that! Where’s the feckin’ glue gun?” a visibly stressed Late Late Show host Ryan Tubridy barked from within the confines of a small shed on the grounds of RTÉ. The host is facing the unenviable task of making every single toy that features on this year’s show from scratch, such… Read more »
WITH the cost of the Leinster House printer now reaching the €1.8 million mark, the government has reluctantly admitted that in a rare misstep it may have needlessly overspent, before warning taxpayers that if they thought the printer was expensive, wait until they hear the cost of the cartridges. “Like most printers, the ink is… Read more »
AFTER seeing Taoiseach Leo Varadkar race down to Wexford to spend a day campaigning alongside Verona Murphy, one Fine Gael by-election candidate feared he didn’t have enough questionable morals, beliefs and ideas to represent the party adequately. “She said child refugees need to be ‘de-programmed’, then she’s accused of ‘interference’ regarding a Road Safety Authority… Read more »
AWARE of the strange belief held by some Irish people that Met Éireann is personally responsible for all the bad weather endured on the island, staff at the meteorological outfit have sought to reverse the bleak and constant torrents of rain, wind and cold with a new non-scientific approach. “Bless the rains down in Africa,… Read more »
BEEF FARMERS currently protesting in Dublin City centre for the past two days have been politely asked if they could give the government a hand moving a very large printer in Leinster House, while they’re hanging about with their tractors outside and doing nothing. Making the most out of a bad situation, Minister for Agriculture… Read more »
