YOU THOUGHT a polite ‘ah yeah that’s gas, imagine – two Irish people on holiday in one of the world’s most frequented tourist hotspots, what are the chances?’ would be the end of it but no, this Irish person you’ve met while on holiday is intent on draining the life force from you. It’s one… Read more »
LINGUISTS around the world have admitted that they’re ‘stumped’ when it comes to understanding how people from Northern Ireland have managed to form a language consisting of nothing more that high-pitched whines and snorts, WWN can report. “There are chimpanzee communities in the deepest jungles of the world that can communicate using thirteen to fourteen… Read more »
DUBLIN CITY COUNCIL has made its first representations to the Department of Children, Equality, Disability, Integration and Youth asking if it needs the services of JCBs with the capability of leveling tents after DCC learned of 88 asylum seekers being housed in tents in the county Clare. “It’s no trouble honestly,” insisted DCC, willing to… Read more »
LONG BEFORE the issuing of a plea by the HPRA to the public not to stockpile medicines amid a shortage in pharmacies, local mother Lorraine Halley could boast the largest collections of medicines this side of a drug dealer. Initially housed in a single kitchen press, the complete stock of over the counter and prescription… Read more »
NEWS outlets across the country have agreed to create an article template about the rising cost of living that will appear every day and can be filled in by readers, to save time writing about hike after hike in the price of every conceivable thing. The decision came after both Diageo and An Post announced… Read more »
PEOPLE across the nation are currently living in dread of their next visit home to see their opinionated parents, following news that 150 Ukrainian refugees are to be temporarily housed in Croke Park over the next two weeks. “There’s absolutely no chance I visit mam and dad at the weekend and not have to sit… Read more »
MINISTER for Poor Health Stephen Donnelly has eased concern amongst the public by confirming the pressure threatening to collapse the health service will only continue for another few weeks at which point the government can get back to ignoring it until it occurs again at the exact same time later this year. “Egghead said it’s… Read more »
RESPONDING TO a recent survey in which the majority of Irish people said they felt pornography has a negative effect on society, local man John Spollane confirmed it is in fact entirely harmless. “Ah sure it’s grand,” explained Spollane who has failed to interact with a woman in the last 15 years without very consciously… Read more »
AFTER AN all-hands-on-deck meeting emergency measures have been implemented across Ireland’s beleaguered A&E departments, with much needed help coming in the form of spare managers agreeing to be converted into temporary beds. “Unlike nurses and doctors who are all doing the work of five people, we have five managers doing the work of one person… Read more »
