Local Man Chatting Up Nurse At Positive STD Screening

A LOCAL MAN has been praised for his can-do attitude after making use of his time waiting at the reception desk in a sexual health clinic, WWN can report.

“I’ll have that prescription for you in a minute if you can just wait, and I’m told the itching stops after a few days on the meds,” explained nurse Nuala Casey, whose words were ignored by recently diagnosed Tom Finlan.

“Will your number be on that prescription too?” Finlan, who has a penis that looks like a salami that was out on the surface of the sun for too long, ventured.

Witnesses in the reception area were initially embarrassed on behalf of Finlan for his tone-deaf flirtations but an admiration for his stupefying stupidity slowly grew like the boils on his penis.

“It wasn’t the one chat up line either, he was all ‘do you come with the penicillin for my syphilis’. Fair play, I was there plotting my ex’s murder for cheating on me, meaning I had to get tested but this guy was acting like it was the smoking area in Coppers at 1am on All-Ireland weekend,” shared one eye-witness.

“The only thing more intense than the burning sensation I was getting when I peed was this head-case’s desire to bag a date with the nurse that dry-heaved when he had first listed out all his symptoms. If anything he gives me hope, if he can chat up the nurse while having a mickey on him like a burn victim then I can ask my boss for that raise,” shared another patient at the clinic.

UPDATE: Finlan has moved onto chatting up a second nurse after nurse Casey politely declined his offer of a ‘one way ticket to Pleasure Town’.