“Get That Loser Material Away From Me” Mark Carney Declines To Wear Mayo Jersey On Trip Home

AN OTHERWISE pleasant State visit to Ireland, took an awkward turn as Canadian PM refused to let any part of a Mayo jersey touch his skin and politely declined all efforts to place him in one for an easy PR photo.

“Back the fuck off, you heard,” warned Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) agents, drawing guns as PM Carney was approached by Fianna Fáil minister Dara Calleary and attempted to gift him a Mayo jersey during his visit as a memento to take home with him and remind him of his Mayo roots.

“It’s the one quarter of me that’s not from Mayo is the reason I’m PM, I’m not going to risk my winning streak by putting that loser soaked t-shirt on me,” confirmed Carney as he began running from the jersey, making his way towards the throngs of well-wishers.

While some locals were mortally offended by the rebuke, others expressed an understanding for where he was coming from.

“I think he thinks it is contagious, and it makes sense now why he’s walking around on specially crafted shoes that have Canadian soil glued to the bottom on them, he doesn’t even want to touch Mayo soil, for fear of what it might do him,” confirmed local and follower of Mayo men’s GAA.

A successful return home has been criticised for incurring some unforeseen expenses involving the clean up operation left behind by the CSIS, who took blow torches to any Mayo flags that come within spitting distance of PM Carney.

Meanwhile, Irish people have told Canadians not to get ‘too cocky’ as the fanfare that greeted Carney will only last until a non-head the ball occupies the White House once again.