Road Gridlocked In Suspected Fuel Protest, Actually Just Slow Bollocks In Tractor

WHAT was initially thought to be part of a nationwide fuel protest has now been confirmed as local farmer Johnny Casey making his daily commute.

“The what?” Casey replied when asked if he was deliberately holding up the 17 cars behind him as part of the convoys of trucks and tractors causing disruption across Ireland today.

“Didn’t notice the price meself now, sure I’ve half a tank of green diesel left back on the farm,” Casey elaborated, shouting over the engine of his 1986 John Deere as WWN attempted to quiz him on the phone. “Don’t tell anyone that now or we’ll have cunts sniffing around.”

With demonstrations taking place in Cork, Dublin, Galway and Limerick causing long delays on some routes, the 67-year-old bachelor explicitly denied he was intentionally holding up traffic by travelling at 12 km/h, occupying two lanes, and refusing to let anyone pass.

“Ah no, jaysis, sure then you could say I’m protesting every day if that’s the case,” he continued, now steering the tractor with his knees as he carefully unwrapped an egg salad sandwich from a lump of dirty tinfoil, while irate motorists continued to beep behind him.

“I’m only going to the creamery 40 minutes away, what’s everyone’s rush these days?” he asked, indicating left before continuing straight through a two-lane roundabout and cutting across the inside lane causing several cars to brake.