Local Man Beginning To Feel Like He’s Never Going To Get Car Washed By Group Of Bikini Clad Women

A WATERFORD MAN has bravely broken his silence over his fears that perhaps he will never have his car washed by a group of buxom women bounding about in bikinis, sodden with suds.

“When I younger, TV and movies and music videos and that made it seem like this stuff happened all the time,” explained Peter O’Coyne, 49, “I’d thought by the time I was 21 I’d have had my fill of bikini car washes but I’ve less life in front of me then behind and still zero, zip. I’d be lying if I said I’m not panicking, time is running out”.

O’Coyne is speaking out now in a bid to find like-minded and disappointed men who were ‘sold a lie’ and are seeking assistance from the government or local car wash proprietors.

“I dunno, I haven’t put much thought into but like, I’d just love if when I went down to the petrol station, instead of Alek and Kishor manning the buckets and hose it’d be a load of women delighted to see me pull up in my 11-W Corolla,” a dejected sounding O’Coyne shared.

Keen to stress that he is not a deviant, O’Coyne is merely complaining about how the popular culture and entertainment of his youth promised him things which never materialised including but not limited to falling into a pit of quicksand, seeing ninjas fighting and a talking dog or cat.

“Surely there’s a government scheme for this sort of thing, it’d create employment for women, only blondes with a D cup and higher but still, a job’s a job,” explained O’Coyne, who is going to get an almighty belt when his wife reads this.

UPDATE: The government has said it will consider O’Coyne’s proposal but fear the risk of death from hypothermia in Ireland could make any proposal unworkable.