Reasons Priests Can Refuse You Communion

Reports that Fine Gael TD and Minister of State Colm Burke was refused Holy Communion at a funeral Mass in Cork, for voting in favour of Repealing the 8th Amendment, has sparked fears among church goers that they too could be denied communion.

WWN has, in consultation with the Catholic Church, produced this handy list of things that could see parishioners denied the Eucharist:

Turning up every Sunday to the premises despite clearly holding views which are completely divergent from the small-minded decrees issued from Rome.

You don’t see what the big deal with the new plastic bottle caps is, in fact you don’t struggle with them and don’t find them a nuisance.

The priest spotted you at the same S&M club.

You only said 6 of the 7 Hail Marys you were given at your last confession, which was in 2011.

Always asking for change of a fiver when the donation basket comes round.

Caught humming Seven Nation Army in a bid to conceal the fact you know of the call and responses.

Ripped a filthy one when you genuflected in the general direction of a the altar.

The priest innately knows if you were one of those little shits who plagued relatives for communion money and complained when you got anything under €20.

Hold the opinion that ‘Taylor’s Versions’ are actually inferior recordings to the original Taylor Swift albums.

You haven’t gotten round to watching Mel Gibson’s Jesus movie yet even though you said you would.

You keep bringing up the whole ‘abuse scandal’ stuff.

Happily remaining a member of a party that presides over policies which has ballooned the homeless figures to over 14,000 people.

Spent the last 20 years stealing a bit of the church every time you attended mass, to the point the there was no church left, and used the proceeds of the sales of the building materials to pay the redress to victims some orders still refuse to pay.