“6am Closing Times Could Mean Young People Might Enjoy Themselves” Warn TDs


FINE GAEL TDs have urged Taoiseach-in-waiting Simon Harris to scrap the nonsense late licensing law legislation aimed at growing the nighttime economy due to the fact it could give young people a chance to enjoy themselves.

“It sends the wrong message, young people exist solely as an economic forces to be moulded and exploited for profit, to suggest they have free time they can use to socialise is terrifying,” shared one TD who has decided adopting the ‘contrary old bollocks’ persona is his best chance at being reelected.

The implementation of 6am closing times had been promised by the coalition government sometime before humanity adopted the Gregorian calendar and is set to be delayed once more after TDs rightly highlighted the fact young people in Ireland are only allowed to do two things; suffer and emigrate.

“I can see it now toddlers doing heroin in a dance clubbing emporium,” shared one Fine Gael TD mid-fainting.

“What’s worse, some people will open venues to cater to dancing and congregating, and create jobs, providing tax revenue to the exchequer. It’s the stuff of nightmares”.

Fine Gael TDs went one step further in pointing out that every young person they speak to are against the idea of having more places to socialise and instead are begging the party to get on with the important work of blaming Sinn Féin for everything.

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