Witch Who Placed Curse On Harry Kane Feeling She Went A Bit Too Far Now


A FOREST dwelling 300-year-old witch who placed a curse on Harry Kane has now said she regrets the strength and potency of her spell after watching Bayern Munich’s dramatic exit from the Champion’s League at the hands of Real Madrid.

“I’m a witch and all, but I do have a conscience it would have been more humane to boil him in my cauldron and make a soup broth from his bones,” said the witch, known professionally as Agatha Boil, who admitted that being an Arsenal fan may have influenced the severity of the venom she spoke in backwards Latin when casting the spell all those years ago.

Boil says she remembers the spell like it was yesterday, “sperm of Gunnersaurus, dust from Spurs trophy cabinet, he’ll never be victorious” recalled the haggard spellbinder who felt the need to cast the spell after Kane scored his first north London derby goal in 2015 ruining her accumulator bet in the process.

“You saw the linesman last night, putting his flag up for offside as a move was unfolding, that should have been an equaliser. That can’t be explained any other way than by my curse, the indignity of being taken off too, it’s too cruel. I wish I could take it back,” Boil added and reiterated that despite the striking resemblance, she was not directly related to Luka Modric.

Elsewhere, Real Madrid have been asked to come clean about how many deals they have made with the devil.