Breakthrough? Russian Peace Summit Calls For Ukraine To Give Up Territory, Change Flag, Name To Russia

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A TWO-DAY peace summit in Switzerland has resulted in 180 nations advocating for a peace between Ukraine and Russia that sees Ukraine’s territorial integrity respected.

While this summit is clearly a waste of time, a rival summit attended by Vladimir Putin could be the breakthrough the world has desperately hoped for.

“Those 180 nations aren’t the only ones focused on peace, we had our own summit and after much challenging debate between myself and my cabinet who fear I’ll poison them for questioning me, the consensus is that peace is possible if Ukraine just changes its flag, gives Russia all its territory and get used to be being called ‘also Russia’,” Vladimir Putin, kidnapper of Ukrainian children, declared at the Russian conference.

International diplomacy experts have labeled any criticisms of Putin’s proposals as ‘anti-peace’ and ‘unreasonable’.

“We had these peaceful solutions ready to rock but maybe those nations would already know this, if they had thought to invite us,” a hurt peacemaker Putin added.

Elsewhere, Benjamin Netanyahu signing the Ukrainian peace summit communique, supporting Ukraine’s right to its sovereign territory, has prompted a ‘you’ve got to be shitting me bro?’ from much of the international community.

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