Where To Inhumanely Dispose Of Your Horses Now Shannonside Abattoir Has Been Shut Down

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WITH the Department of Agriculture discovering they have enforcement powers and that it is not actually RTÉ Investigate’s responsibility to ensure abattoirs adhere to regulations, the closure of Shannonside Foods has left people looking to dispose of their horses guilt-free with nowhere to go.

Let’s face it, if you’re sending your lame horses to a facility as abjectly awful as Shannonside Foods then you won’t be too fussed on where your horses end up, but WWN has some options:

Return Machine – located in virtually every supermarket, and you get 15 cent back. Any self-respecting horse hater would jump at the chance to get a few cents back as an added bonus to having a horse taken off your hands.

Paint some stripes on it (you see where we’re going with this already) and pass it off as a pedestrian crossing. This way a car could run it over and your burden, in the form of a horse no one made you take on and run into the ground and lose all interest in, has now been disposed of.

If you’re the sort of passionate and naive equine lover who could never conceive of the horse racing industry acting in bad faith, then you’ll love the circus too. Summertime is circus season so just keep an eye out for anyone looking to train a lion to ride on the back of a horse. Best of friends!

Cut out the middle man and just have a barbecue with all your horse loving mates.

Alternatively, there is a gap in the market now so opening your own abattoir could turn into a profitable venture. With the likelihood of Dept. of Agriculture carrying out checks low, you’ll have at least a free run of things for 10 years or so until an undercover RTÉ crew rock up to the doors.

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