WITH NATO membership feeling like a formality, Sweden are already reaping the benefits of joining the organisation as home furnishing heroes IKEA have bagged a lucrative defence contract, WWN can reveal. “Teething issues are to be expected we’ve never done flat pack surface to air missiles or an iron dome before,” confirmed head of design… Read more »
HEALTH experts are looking on at Russia with envy after the news McDonald’s is to permanently exit the market, leaving behind a trail of immediately improving arteries in their wake. “Those lucky Russian bastards just gained an extra 10 years on their lives,” said one dietitian, as they watched McDonald’s pack up millions of litres… Read more »
TO CELEBRATE the Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Green party coalition government securing* the land for the National Maternity Hospital site at St Vincent’s Hospital, WWN has been treated to an exclusive look at the interiors of the proposed design for the State owned** hospital which comes with no catches***. The state of the art… Read more »
THE FOOTBALL world has immediately thrown its support behind Lionel Messi as he recently came out as someone more than willing to take money from the homophobic regime in Saudi Arabia to promote the country as a tourism ambassador, WWN Sport can reveal. “Wow, this is huge. Hopefully this encourages other footballers reportedly worth €500mn… Read more »
THE EU have agreed in principle to a winner-takes-all solution proposed by the UK, whereby a best-of-nine ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ tournament may be held to decide a solution to the issue of Boris Johnson not liking the Northern Ireland protocol he wrote, proposed and agreed to. The people of Northern Ireland are said to be… Read more »
A MAJOR undertaking on a scale never before witnessed throughout the course of human history is currently unfolding at 44 Glenmare Court, Waterford. Burning as many as 11 calories during his half-arsed minutes-long attempts at cleaning the house Alan Kearnans is that rare beast; a man with a slavish devotion to keeping a tidy house…. Read more »
THE COMBINATION of inflation, wage stagnation and every conceivable business and service raising their prices has had a devastating effect on the wallets of those Irish people who were already struggling to keep afloat. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel as outlined by WWN’s money man and consumer expert Freddy Knobs,… Read more »
THINK you have problems? Count yourself lucky that you aren’t 43-year-old Waterford man Phil MacLoone, who earlier today received a chilling text from one of his pals hinting at a possible piss-up in the pair’s near future. “Once you pass 40, you’d rather get a letter from Revenue saying there’s some irregularities with your accounts… Read more »
MINISTER for Health Stephen Donnelly has expressed exasperation at the public’s continued questions about the church’s involvement with the new maternity hospital, and insists that he has assurances from high-ranking nuns that the hospital will offer a full range of services to ‘even the dirtiest of trollops’. “OK, we’ll admit that wasn’t his best interview… Read more »
A LAST MINUTE cancellation of ITV’s ‘Love Island’ ratings behemoth has shocked dating show fans to their core, WWN can reveal. Despite the recent launch of a marketing campaign heralding the show’s imminent return production managers of the hit show confirmed the news in a statement earlier today revealing that the villa will be given… Read more »
