Football World Heaps Praise On Brave Player Coming Out As Open To Lucrative Deals With Homophobic Regimes

THE FOOTBALL world has immediately thrown its support behind Lionel Messi as he recently came out as someone more than willing to take money from the homophobic regime in Saudi Arabia to promote the country as a tourism ambassador, WWN Sport can reveal. “Wow, this is huge. Hopefully this encourages other footballers reportedly worth €500mn… Read more »

Husband’s Annual Half-Arsed Tidy Of House Underway

A MAJOR undertaking on a scale never before witnessed throughout the course of human history is currently unfolding at 44 Glenmare Court, Waterford. Burning as many as 11 calories during his half-arsed minutes-long attempts at cleaning the house Alan Kearnans is that rare beast; a man with a slavish devotion to keeping a tidy house…. Read more »

Friend Issues Terrifying Offer Of Night Out

THINK you have problems? Count yourself lucky that you aren’t 43-year-old Waterford man Phil MacLoone, who earlier today received a chilling text from one of his pals hinting at a possible piss-up in the pair’s near future. “Once you pass 40, you’d rather get a letter from Revenue saying there’s some irregularities with your accounts… Read more »

Nuns Promise They Won’t Have Anything To Do With Maternity Hospital Or Your Stupid Whore Vagina

MINISTER for Health Stephen Donnelly has expressed exasperation at the public’s continued questions about the church’s involvement with the new maternity hospital, and insists that he has assurances from high-ranking nuns that the hospital will offer a full range of services to ‘even the dirtiest of trollops’. “OK, we’ll admit that wasn’t his best interview… Read more »