AN ENGLISH woman who lobbied Scottish ministers to exempt her land from carbon cutting initiatives will not be attending the COP26 climate conference in Glasgow on the advice of her doctors, WWN has learned. However, activists have said one less hypocrite in attendance at the conference is a bonus. “It would’ve been a brazen fuck… Read more »
THE South American nation of Columbia is back in the news this week following the arrest of one of the world’s biggest drug lords, but ministers from the region have been quick to stress that there’s more to Colombia than nose candy. “You think we’re all just down here off our nuts on coke, well… Read more »
AUTUMN is well and truly underway with the biannual changing of the clocks to take place this coming weekend, however, this year will be slightly different to previous years as the clocks go back a record 24 months to the year 2019, WWN can report. “Due to Daylight Saving Time, we normally put our clocks… Read more »
A HUGE trove of leaked documents from inside Facebook released this week has shown absolutely nothing of significance to incriminate the social media giant so there’s no need to worry, please keep using it, an unprompted WWN can confirm. Allegations from staff that Facebook prioritised engagement of its users over their safety are totally unfounded,… Read more »
LOCAL man Ciaran Caffley is cursing himself for completely wasting his bank holiday weekend during which he covered a total distance of 31 metres over the 72 hour period, rarely exerting himself except for the occasional trip to the toilet post take away consumption. “I laughed at the sunlight outside, I taunted it, mocked it… Read more »
OLE GUNNAR Solskjaer is seriously fearing for his job now that the United board has confirmed that he ‘can do whatever he wants today’ including having his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite movie and any other things he loves doing. “You wanna go go-karting too Ole? Honestly mate, whatever you want let’s do it,”… Read more »
WHILE ADMITTING it appears from the outside to be a complete shambles of a system that will have no material effect on Covid prevention, the government confirmed its ticketing system for nightclubs will be extended to Baggot Street basement orgies. “Remember that story? Gas wasn’t it. People emerging from a basement on Baggot Street in… Read more »
WATERFORD dad-of-three Mark Sewell has re-joined his family indoors for the first time in over 6 weeks, having taken himself to the garden in early July to ‘do a few bits’, WWN can report. “Good to have that done” said Sewell, sitting with his family for a rare lunch together. “Took a bit longer than… Read more »
IT MAY SEEM odd to contemplate and even harder to comprehend but you will have noticed that yesterday stood out from all other days in recent memory as there was no news. The fast paced and ever-changing nature of the world usually means journalists work around the clock in all four corners of the globe… Read more »
THE PRACTICE has long mystified purchasers of deli rolls and little in the way of explanation has been offered, until now. Curious as to why vast quantities of spread masquerading as butter is lumped onto your rolls even when you explicitly stated ‘not too much butter, don’t go mad with it, I said not too… Read more »
