THE Duke Of Sussex emitted an audible ‘oh for fuck sake’ at this morning’s annual Kris Kringle draw in Buckingham Palace, confirming to all in attendance that he had drawn his under-fire uncle Andrew this year. Prince Harry had been invited to the palace this morning to sort out who was getting who for Christmas,… Read more »
MINISTER For Health Simon Harris and Minister For Housing Eoghan Murphy are said to be skipping around Leinster House in jubilation today, after seemingly cracking both of their troublesome, scandal-ridden briefs with one simple brainwave. Murphy, facing down the barrel of a vote of no confidence due to the ever-escalating housing crisis, assembled his fellow… Read more »
Acting with truly inspiring cruelty and vengeance despite her young age, Greta Thunberg has already downed five tankers and hijacked several merchant ships with plastic-laden containers during her journey across the Atlantic. The young activist, who is due in Madrid today to attend the Climate Summit held from the 2nd-13th of December, has given orders… Read more »
BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson has called a press conference in which he confirmed that the man who carried out a terrorist attack on London Bridge at the weekend was “a card-carrying member of the Jeremy Corbyn fanclub”, complete with a full-sleeve tattoo of the Labour leader on his left arm. The attacker, who cannot… Read more »
SUPPORTERS who complained of football becoming predictably boring and boringly predictable could always rely on the one saving grace the sport had, Dublin manager Jim Gavin’s electrifying persona in media interviews, but now GAA is set to truly become a joyless and dull charisma free zone in his absence. While some counties are celebrating the… Read more »
SENIOR FINE GAEL party figures are looking into completely overhauling their candidate selection process which currently sees them only consider endorsing ignorant fools and backing them to the hilt no matter what. However, some sitting TDs, including the Taoiseach, want guarantees such an about turn in strategy doesn’t result in their being cut out or… Read more »
THE ROYAL residence has been damaged in a flash flood caused by the sudden and violent expulsion of unprecedented volumes of sweat which burst forth from the pores of Prince Andrew after he learned of an upcoming exclusive BBC interview with his accuser Virginia Giuffre. “Oh, goodness, I’m cured, what a relief” shared the prince,… Read more »
LARGE groups of Irish citizens have expressed disgust at the fact that suspected ISIS member Lisa Smith is to be processed through the Irish justice system under suspicion of terrorism offences as if she was any other normal person, WWN can confirm. Smith, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was deported from Turkey to… Read more »
HOLDING up a long stream of traffic and travelling at a painful 34 kilometers per hour, local farmer Danny Rice is expected to finally arrive back at the farm later this afternoon after leaving protests in Dublin city on Wednesday. “Jaysis, they’re in an awful rush around here,” Rice barked at a passing BMW that… Read more »
IN AN earnest attempt to acknowledge that falsely inflating listenership figures of sponsored content via ‘click farms’ is wrong, the qualified banter engineers over at Joe.ie have produced a HILARIOUS bobble head video set to copyrighted music and copyrighted video footage to convey how seriously they are treating the matter. ‘Click farm’ is the term… Read more »
