“MORE GLITTER! No, more than that! Where’s the feckin’ glue gun?” a visibly stressed Late Late Show host Ryan Tubridy barked from within the confines of a small shed on the grounds of RTÉ. The host is facing the unenviable task of making every single toy that features on this year’s show from scratch, such… Read more »
WITH the cost of the Leinster House printer now reaching the €1.8 million mark, the government has reluctantly admitted that in a rare misstep it may have needlessly overspent, before warning taxpayers that if they thought the printer was expensive, wait until they hear the cost of the cartridges. “Like most printers, the ink is… Read more »
BRITISH PM Boris Johnson had been in the middle of a speech angrily denying claims that his government would sell off the National Health Service to the US when a crane began lowering a ‘Trump’ sign on the roof of St. Thomas’ Hospital in London. Refuting the contents of the 450 pages of documents leaked… Read more »
THE DISCOVERY of a mass 70 times greater than the Sun and 15,000 light years from Earth has confounded the world’s leading astronomers who claim it is twice the size of what was initially thought possible by scientists and that it has ceaseless destructive capabilities. “This is the largest supermassive black hole ever discovered, and… Read more »
A VIGIL is being held for the HSE tonight, after a Department of Health committee opted to keep the ailing service alive despite the fact that it ceased to show any signs of brain function a long time ago. The HSE had once been a vital, truly great hope for Irish health care patients, but… Read more »
AFTER seeing Taoiseach Leo Varadkar race down to Wexford to spend a day campaigning alongside Verona Murphy, one Fine Gael by-election candidate feared he didn’t have enough questionable morals, beliefs and ideas to represent the party adequately. “She said child refugees need to be ‘de-programmed’, then she’s accused of ‘interference’ regarding a Road Safety Authority… Read more »
AWARE of the strange belief held by some Irish people that Met Éireann is personally responsible for all the bad weather endured on the island, staff at the meteorological outfit have sought to reverse the bleak and constant torrents of rain, wind and cold with a new non-scientific approach. “Bless the rains down in Africa,… Read more »
BEEF FARMERS currently protesting in Dublin City centre for the past two days have been politely asked if they could give the government a hand moving a very large printer in Leinster House, while they’re hanging about with their tractors outside and doing nothing. Making the most out of a bad situation, Minister for Agriculture… Read more »
WE ARE positively JAZZED to bring you an article about the must have Black Friday offers you’d only be interested in if your brain had been temporarily removed through some medical malfeasance. These offers are so lit you’ll feel pretty bad about rolling your eyes at an overworked 35-year-old ‘content creator’ using the phrase ‘lit’… Read more »
Governments, why pay more for printers and office accessories, when you can make significant savings with our exclusive Black Friday sale? Get a printer that is perfectly suitable for use in the Dáil; was €1,000,000 of taxpayer’s money, now just €238! Buy one for every single one of the 158 TDs in Leinster House, and… Read more »
