Government Votes Down Dáil Motion To Carry Out Knick-Knack On Russian Embassy

OPPOSITION TDs in the Dáil have labeled the coalition government ‘spineless’ after it cynically voted down yet another motion tabled by rival parties, on this occasion voting against sending a stern message to the Russian embassy by doing a knick-knack. “Cowardice and hypocrisy is what it is,” went the incredulous reaction from Sinn Féin leader… Read more »

19-Year-Old Sessioner Urged To Take It Easy

DANCING to music that wasn’t playing and smoking an imagined cigarette no one gave him, 19-year-old sessioner Niall Clatten is being urged to ‘take it easy’ by concerned friends. “This is the thing, you can take the partying when you’re younger. The body’s a curious thing – it recovers,” said Clatten with a voice of… Read more »

If You Read One Thing Today Don’t Make It This, It’s Not My Finest Work & I Was Tight For Time

BELIEVE ME I wish this article was ‘it’ but the day completely got away from me so this definitely isn’t the one thing you need to read today. Honestly, I had every intention of writing something relevant, shocking, zeitgeisty say like ‘Why The Movie Clueless Forms The Bedrock Of Millennials’ Desire For Doomed Romance’ or… Read more »

Fine! We’ll Send Dustin Again Next Year So

FLYING off the handle in a fit of rage, the Irish nation has threatened the Eurovision with audiovisual terrorism by pledging to once again send Dustin the Turkey as a Eurovision entry if they insist on getting Irish people’s hopes up every year only to humiliate them. “Do you want a Dustin? Because not letting… Read more »